As you all know. Laura and I are board-certified psychics. If you follow our horoscopes you know that they are 100% accurate unless you’ve eaten an excessive amount of meat. We have gotten a ridiculous amount of requests to do a psychic prediction section – so here it is! We will post our predictions and if and when they come true we will bold them to prove how crazy psychic we are. We would also like to point out that we do provide private psychic readings at a cost of $300 an hour.
1. The hit 90’s sitcom FRIENDS will make a blockbuster movie.
2. Lindsay Lohan will win a golden globe…in her mind
3. Charlie Sheen will try to buy a kangaroo as a pet, and then kill it to wear it as a hat
4. Justin Timberlake will be nominated for an Oscar.
5. Justin Bieber will get an infection in his eye. (pink eye – which means he’s been playing with fecal matter)
6. Kelly Clarkson will have a black baby.
7. Jennifer Aniston will wear a fake moustache
8. Clint Eastwood will start to lose his marbles.
(we predicted this before!! Boo ya!)
9. President Obama will get a tattoo of his own face on his face
10. Coldplay will break up. and then make up again in 2020 to release an album called “Gay for Each other”
11. Nicolas Cage will star in a really shitty movie and act really shit-ily in it.
12. George Clooney will wear a dress in public.
13. Blake Lively will fall on stage at an award ceremony. (toddlers in tiaras)
14. Matt Damon will make a guest appearance on Modern Family. His name will be Jed.
15. Kate Bosworth will choke on a chicken wing, and live
16. Carrie Underwood and Mike Fisher will get a divorce. And then she will dig her keys into the side of his pretty little souped up four wheel driiiiiiive! man thats a good song.
17. Madonna will cut her hair ridiculously short and claim she is a russian lesbian.
18. Keith Richards will die.
19. Youtube video of the year will be added to a major award ceremony.
20. Tom Cruise will go to jail for stalking katie holmes at her new boyfriends house (joshua jackson)
21. popeye the sailor man will come back and eat Quinoa instead of spinich. (to stay current of course)
22. Hawaiian shirts will come back in style with a vengeance
23. Norway will hold the largest ever flash mob dance to the song “Jessie’s Girl” or as they call it in Norway, “Jessie er jente”
24. A cure for nut allergies will be found, it will be a combination of moss and Ben Afflek’s tears.
25. Design Chicks will get a book published. BOOYA!
26. Taco Bell will be banned from Canada.
27. A popular stadium will be all up in flames! And some lady will become a youtube star for saying something funny like “lord jesus its a fire!” and then it will be remixed into a song.
28. Michael Jordan will get a DUI. Driving and or dunking under the influence of TALENT.
29. RIM & Apple will partner up. It’s what Steve Jobs would have wanted. Integration now!
30. Tina Fey will host a reality tv show about little people with big dreams
31. The Cosbys will have a reunion show. The plot will revolve around Theo coming back late from a party and having too much to drink. B.Cosby will teach him about the dangers of temptation by dancing to an old jazz record. The whole family will join in. Man I love this family!
32. That crazy dog that surfs will be eaten by a shark.
33. China will win gold overall in woman’s gymnastics at the London Olympics (because they’re all underage and taking hormones)