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Posts Tagged ‘Douche


Our world is filled with some pretty amazing people. I can name atleast 5.  Nelson Mandela, Matt Damon, Laura Stradiotto, Robin McNicoll and James Franco.  Unfortunately we are also surrounded by quite a few douches.  If you look up douche in the dictionary the face of two men will appear.  Chad Kroeger and Nicolas Cage are captains of the douche factory.  We’ve already interviewed Chad so now we’ve decided to see how Nic would answer our celebrity interview.

Nicolas Cage was born on January 7, 1964 and since his mom was unable to stuff him back in he started his douche quest. I’ve always wondered how this incredibly unfortunate looking man with no substance made it into the entertainment business.  I’ve asked experts like David Suzuki, Bill Nye the Science Guy and Antoine Dodson and they all said they don’t really know, fo’ real!  Then I wikipedia’d him and found out that his uncle is  Francis Ford Coppola.  Sooo….maybe that’s how?  I don’t know that’s still a stretch. 

See Nic’s answers to our interview below. *Note all answers are based on a true story

1) What is your favourite 90’s sitcom?
I liked that commercial with the guy that everyone thought ate too many chocolate bars.
That’s a commercial.
Ya but he didn’t even eat a lot of chocolate bars, he just had acne.

2) Do you own any music by Rita MacNeil?
I banged her and by Rita I mean this 19 year old girl that I knocked up and married.  I’m so great.

3) Do you have any nicknames?
Substancetard, Dumb ass mo fo, Kim, Copolladouche and my mom called me Nancy but that was before the change to my no no parts.

4) Do you have a favourite youtube video? If so, what?
Love this video. I feel like it really shows my versatility as a hair model.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uNz0POlwQP0

5) Do you have a favorite hat? If so, please describe or send us a photo of you wearing said hat
I have this one tattooed on my butt.

That is a tattoo with a squirel wearing a hat.
Pretty cool right!

6) Do you have any hidden talents? If so, please describe, or send us a video of you demonstrating said talent whilst wearing your favourite hat mentioned in question 5.

My mom says I’m pretty.



Most people don’t know this but Justin Bieber is actually of Japanese descent. Some may say he hails from Stratford Ontario, but those folks are wrong. Dead wrong.

Justin Bieber is a talented little japanese man. He can sing, he can dance, he can rock a side-swipe-douche-do like no other.  Justin wanted to try something new and fresh.  Something that had never been done before.  His mom suggested a wig line, his dad suggested a shirt that makes you look like you have absolutely no body definition.  He shunned them both and decided to take on the most logical venture: a nail polish line.

Now, most of you might say that there have been many nail polish lines in the past.  To this I say, true, but have these said nail polish lines had the tears of a baby, the sweat of one less lonely girl and the chest hair of (future) Beiber himself. Nine! (that means no in German and possibly Japanese)

Nail Polish


Some of us have known this for some time. This is proof….that he is a lunatic and he does not know what woman wants.
Warning: this has explicit language. Rated D for douchebag.


Well we all know Tiger Woods is a clear douche. What we didn’t know was he is a huge Nickelback fan. This in my mind is the worst indiscretion of all! Ugh. Can you imagine the 2 of these guys in a room together. Vomit.

Look at this photograph. Every time I do it makes me laugh (by laugh I mean hate the world for thinking Chad Kroeger is some kind of musician)


There are not many things I truly hate. Velvet, chocolate covered shrimp (yes, I have actually eaten this) and Nickelback.

Can anybody tell me why their music is popular. Tell me please.

I mean SERIOUSLY…look at this douche. His hair probably feels like velvet. Ugh.


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