Design Chick's Blogaboo!

Archive for October 2011

Aries:  You will eat a meal today that was once covered in Bat feces. Poo!

Libra:  The creepy looking dog you saw earlier is actually a rabid wolf dressed up for Halloween. Deadly!

Taurus:  Long lasting deodorant? More like chlorophyll!

Scorpio:  Stop being such a witch.  Unless you are serious about the wicken ways.  Much respect.

Gemini:  Do no help someone in need today.  They will murder you and feed you to their pet lion.  Spooky!

Cancer:  You smell like an egg salad sandwich.  Narly.

Leo:  I hope you aren’t going to the washroom right now.  I guarantee you that there is a python in your toilet.  Oh ssssnap.

Virgo:  Shave your face tonight.  Tomorrow something will start growing under your nose and will remain there for a whole month.

Sagittarius: Do not eat an apple today.  There will be a needle in it and you will get infected with a serious and deadly virus!  Scandalous!

Capricorn: Don’t panic, but there is a ghost on or in your genitals.  Uh oh!

Aquarius: You will start a new job of some sort today. Most likely cleaning out dead peoples organs.  Gruesome!

Pisces: The ghost of your great grandmother is living in your neighbours Schnauzer.  Go to her.

Ophiuchus: You don’t even exist. Today or ever.  Eeerie!

Wishing everyone a very spooky halloween!!!

We’ve had about 32,000 emails and counting asking us to give our halloween costume advice.  Here’s a few costume ideas for you.

Justin Timberlake circa N'Sync. Remember when JT was a total D-bag? Throw on some coloured shades, lighten your locks and and set your perm to overdrive. Go ahead and bring sexy waaay back.

Carlton Banks. I don't need to explain this one. Throw a geeky sweater around your neck grow a douchey moustache and your set. If you are short and african american this works best. If not you might not get the same effect. We here at design chicks do not suggest painting black face. It does not go over well in social situations.

Russell Brand

Russell Brand. Same deal, pretty easy stuff. Scruff up your hair or get a wig, don't shave, squeeze into some skinny jeans and act like a total british douchebag all night. Bonus** This is also a great couples costume, get your gal to throw on a blue or pink or purple or yellow wig and Katie Perry's your biaatch.

Holiday Armadillo. I'm not sure were you can find an armadillo costume...but if you can let me know, because I'm pretty sure this is what I'm going to go as next year. Brilliant.

Dumb & Dumber Get a bright coloured suit and matching hat and Bob is your uncle.

Carrot Top This costume is easy if you are a buff guy. Strap on a disgusting orange clown wig, a beater and spray tan the bejesus out of yourself. Top it off by putting a little eyeliner over your eyebrows and pesto! You've got yourself a douchey vegetable.

Mike Tyson. If you are bald this is easy. If you're black even better. I think the tattoo on your face is really all you need. Great costume for babies.

Lady Gaga a la kermit. Ever wonder what you should do with all the leftover muppetry you have lying around from your childhood? Well, I've got the answer. Staple gun it to yourself and go as Lady Gaga for halloween.

Troy Polamalu. Epic curly hair and a Pittsburg Steelers Jersey enough said. Carry around a Head & Shoulders bottle for the night for bonus points.

Ellen Degeneres. Clearly more funny if a guy goes as Ellen. Grab a pant suit - sport a short blond bob and do as many table dances as you can throughout the night.

Kenneth Parcell from 30 Rock. Wear a suit, a funny tie, make an NBC clip and badge and you're good to go. This costume would be amazing for any guy (or lesbian) with an extreme overbite.

I didn't know I was pregnant. We saved the best for last. Sport a mumu over a fat suit and strategically place a babies head peaking out the bottom. What the heck is that doing there? Wha? I didn't know I was preggers!

If only everyone were as enthusiastic as this guy.

Okay Laura, don’t be too dramatic.  I will never quit design chicks.  Ever.  I just quit my day job though to go on to bigger and better things.  I have now convinced Laura to join me in my new venture.  What will we be doing you ask?  We will be teaching photoshop to old people.  Why you ask?  Simple.  We want to be stinking, filthy rich.    How will we become stinking, filthy rich you ask? Simple.  We will teach old bitties photoshop, duh.

Picture this: you are old, I mean, cripple & pruney old, and your beatiful 20 something year old grand daughter snaps a picture of you.  You take a peak at it and gasp.  Who is that cripple pruney broad in the photo before you?  It’s you!  Well, how is that a picture appropriate for you facebook profile picture?  I can tell you the answer, it’s NOT.  Take a few lessons from us and you will be able to turn your photo from wrinkly old prune to a Jennifer Anniston look-a-like.   What do you think a geriatric would pay for such services?  We’ve done some (minimal) research and  we’ve concluded that they would spend about $3,000 an hour.   Cha-ching!!  If you are interested in such services please contact Laura or I.  Just google us.

Check out our photo bellow, where we took a picture of Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen looking like trashy, used up celebs and made them look young, youthful and ready to have some peanut butter jelly time. Yes, it is the exact same picture with a little photoshop manipulation.  Hold the phone! We are only offering our services to retired people willing to shell out some serious dough.  We did this project for Mary Kate and Ash pro-bono and becuase they’ve been retired from spouting out phrases like “you got it dude” and ” You’re in big trouble, mister!”  for quite some time now.


Friends, family, blog world, I am sad to announce that my fellow cooworker, Robin McNicoll has decided to leave me. WHAT?! NO! HOW? BUT I THOUGHT YOU TWO WERE INSEPARABLE!
So did I, I had even built a cottage in muskoka for us to blog in and grow old together. But alas, her love for me has hardened like a chocolaty shell over a soft vanilla ball from dairy queen. A brick of chedder cheese that wasn’t re-wrapped properly, so the end of it is dark and inedible. Dark like my very soul at this very moment. ROBIN DONT GO! DONT LEAVE ME! Who am I to laugh with, raise a child with, and most importantly, ride a ferry with. oh how you loved slow boats.

I leave you with a song that I feel sums up our relationship. There have been ups and downs, we’ve laughed, we’ve cried. mostly cried, but by god you are my hero. You are the wind beneath my wings.

Farewell sweet friend.

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