I know what you are thinking. Why the heck haven’t you done this before? I don’t have an answer for that, so just relax. We are doing it now and if you’re lucky we will do it again next year. There is so much Oscar buzz out there right now I can hardly contain myself. Just kidding, most of it is stupid and boring. So we’ve decided to create this super unboring and unstupid Oscar Preview. FINALLY RIGHT?! You are welcome!
Best sound editing: Obviously goes to whoever made this video (he MUST be nominated, we would be shocked if he wasn’t)
Best Actor in a Leading Role: Rob Ford – His leading role as Mayor of Toronto has definitely been a performance to talk about! But what has really impressed the Academy is the physical transformation he went through to look the part. Here’s a before and after picture of him.
Documentary Feature: This documentary about a goat eating dinner wins for so many reasons; mainly because it really, really makes you think.
Biggest Oscar Snub: Smurfs 2. We know why this didn’t get nominated. Bottom line: the Academy is filled with a bunch of racists.
Most shocking nomination: Dallas Buyers Club. Why? We know it’s a great movie. It’s just the Academy is usually very snobby when it comes to nominating sequels. I mean, hello, Smurfs 2 wasn’t nominated. So we were just surprised that the sequel to Ghosts of Girlfriends Past was.
Most likely to have a nip-slip: Ellen DeGeneres
Most likely to get really thin before Oscars and then gain the weight back before the end of the night: Jonah Hill
Most like to storm the stage and pull a Kanyé West: Tom Hanks – seriously, that guy is a ticking time bomb.
Most likely to buy Quaaludes from Leonardo Dicaprio on the red carpet: June Squibb
LOVE IS IN THE AIR!!!! Or carbon monoxide…we aren’t too sure. Both tend to cause dizziness, weakness, nausea, vomiting, chest pain, and confusion. We think it’s love though, and we are psychic so believe us and not your carbon monoxide reader. *
Clearly if you read these horoscopes and take them SERIOUSLY you will be very lucky in love. If not, you are screwed and you might as well start collecting cats now. Unless cats are who you’d like to be romantically involved with….then start collecting rats.
Aries: Go to the mall. Sit on the 3rd bench you see. Now watch people walk by. The 42nd person (male or female) that walks by is the one you will marry. Shoot, maybe 43rd. We promise. If it doesn’t work out maybe it was 41st.
Libra: Ever tried online dating Libra? Well don’t!!! It doesn’t EVER work for Libra’s. It’s actually written in the fine print of all creditable dating sites. Try going to the bar or supermarket, that tends to work more in your favor. Here’s a tasty hint – women like men who like broccoli and men like women who like bacon. It’s SCIENCE!
Taurus: Nobody loves you more than you love yourself. Give yourself a hug, buy yourself some roses. Stop whining.
Scorpio: Ever feel like you just don’t belong? That’s because you’ve got your days mixed up. You are wearing your Thursday underwear on Friday silly. Switch ’em up and you feel much better. Also you will meet the man/woman of your dreams. They just didn’t want to approach you before because they thought you were wearing dirty knickers.
Gemini: Call your ex. You made a big mistake. You forgot he/she still has a gift certificate to Red Lobster! You can’t just let that go.
Cancer: Remember the popular TV show Family Matters? Well, you know that really dorky guy or girl at the supermarket you frequent? He/She is actually just like Steve Urkel and can turn into a suave guy/girl named Stephan. Go and meet Stephan, you won’t regret it.
Leo: Garth Brooks wants you to have his sweaty hat. He is waiting for you to grab it. Only you will know the directions to his whereabouts. Use the compass of your heart to guide you.
Virgo: Get your oil changed today. And we don’t mean your car oil, you dirty animal. Seriously there is an expiry on your flax seed oil. It expired last June.
Sagittarius: Turn that frown upside down! We should call you Sadittarius. Get it? Get it? It’s because you are sad. Seriously though, SAD is a real thing, it’s called Seasonal Affective Disorder. Basically you are sad because the weather is so crappy. Trust us, we get it. Book a trip to Cabo. You will fall in love with the sunshine and never return home. We will miss you Sagittarius, but your happiness is important to us.
Capricorn: Ever think of opening up a candy corn factory? Of course you have, it’s in your gene’s! Ye be warned though, only Aquarius’s and Scorpions like candy corn. It’s kind of a niche market. Don’t worry your soul mate is an Aquarius, so you are good. So if you are planning to give poisonous candy corn away, save it for the Scorpions.
Aquarius: Haven’t found “the one” yet? Fix your stupid hair, are you seriously trying to attract stray birds to that nest? Yuck! Also if it’s your birthday today…Happy birthday! You look beautiful!
Pisces: Go to the supermarket and just linger around the bacon and/or broccoli . Your soulmate (a Libra) is coming for you.
Ophiuchus: It’s 2014! By now you should probably realize you don’t exist AND nobody will ever love you.
*If your carbon monoxide alarm is going off, leave the house. We are not responsible for you being stupid. There is carbon monoxide in your house and you will die. Stop being so dumb. Also you will fall in love with a firefighter.
1- The phrase “JERRY, JERRY, JERRY!” would have never been uttered if it were not for this day. Jerry Springer was born on February 13th in 1944. If my calculations are correct that makes the beloved talk show host and former mayor a whopping 70 years old today.
2- In 1981 a series of sewer explosions destroyed more than two miles of streets in Louisville, Kentucky. We still believe this guy was to blame.
3- Today is World Radio day! Next year I am going to celebrate this more. I completely forgot about it. Never again!
4-Today is the day before Valentines day. Don’t forget to get a card for your loved one. Or don’t. Seriously either way, we still love you.
5- Today is 4 days before Robin’s birthday. This year Robin is turning 30. She doesn’t want to talk about it.
(May 28, 1944 – April 16, 2013)
We had a really difficult time with the passing of Cape Breton’s First Lady of Song: Rita MacNeil. She was an inspiration to us and we actually felt like we knew her. You know when you think you are friends with a celebrity but you really aren’t? (hope that’s not just us sounding crazy…people do that right?). Well we considered her a friend and part of our blogging family. Laura, Robin and Rita. Just like Three’s Company or Charlie’s Angels only very, very different.
As many of our zillions of die hard fans know, we haven’t been blogging much lately. It’s hard, when the face of your blog passes away – how do you continue on? We’ve thought long and hard about it and we’ve decided that Rita would have wanted us to go on. How do we know this? Well in all honesty we don’t, but we did think we were friends with her so let us think this too okay?
Here are some of our favourite things about Rita.
1. Rita MacNeil was a feminist. Not just because she was a female. You know you can be a feminist even if you aren’t female. Get your head outta the clouds. The RCMP actually spied on her and a bunch of other female activists in the 1970’s to try to understand the new generation of women who shunned traditional female roles and fought for for equal pay, sex education in schools and access to abortion. Go RITA!!! Read more about this here.
2. She was on an episode of Trailer Park Boys
5. Rita made her family laugh even after her passing. In her will she wrote, “Upon my death, I would want to be cremated immediately, my ashes to be placed in my tea room teapot. Two, if necessary,”.
Her daughter Laura Lewis said, “My mom loved to laugh and she had a wonderful sense of humour. She showed us that humour and laughter is a wonderful coping mechanism in hard times.”
WE TOTALLY AGREE RITA!!!! With that being said, the blog must go on!!
Thank you Rita for all that you have done. You are missed every single day.
Two years ago we wrote an amazing Gift Guide. We got such rave reviews that we decided not to bring it back last year just to keep everyone on their toes. Check out our old gift guide here, but if you want to be super hip and in-the-now, read on to our new and fresh Best Gift Guide EVER!
We believe that any one of your family members or friends will fit into one of the categories below. Trust us, we literally know everything.
Buying for someone who wants to move things with his/her
Clearly this is a gift for everybody, because for realzies, who wouldn’t want to move things with their mind? This is a game that you play with simply the power of your mind. Not sure if you will be able to play it though, since we have already BLOWN your mind. Boom. Head explosion. To purchase, click here.
Buying for someone who recently lost everything they own in a terrible house fire? Isn’t it just awful when someone loses all of their possessions in a house fire? It’s sad and it’s happening more and more due to how great scented candles smell nowadays, nobody wants to ever blow them out! I blame Martha. Anyways, the only gift that could possibly replace all of the memorabilia that has been burnt to a crisp, is this book of awkward family photos. They will be laughing so hard they won’t even realize it’s not their own family. Check it out here!
Buying for someone who just detests spoons?
Do you know someone who suffers from Spoons phobia? Yes, it is a real thing and it is affecting more and more everyday. You can make a spoon phobic persons dreams come true with this self stirring coffee mug! Hoopla! No more will they have to go without their coffee being stirred! No more pesky sugar buildup at the bottom of their cup. You will be their hero, we guarantee it. Check it out here!
Buying for someone who always looks like they may have just touched their genitals?
Most of our friends fall into this category so we will be buying this product in bulk this year. From the maker of “ those germs – ” comes the newest “Maybe you just touched your genitals – Hand Sanitizer”. Check it out here!
Buying for a teacher who has really, really dumb students? We are all well-aware of how ridiculously stupid children these days can be. We aren’t being mean, we just know facts. Not all kids (here.‘s are smart and Laura’s future children will be too) but let’s face it most are really, really dumb, fo’ real. So we feel for the teachers out there who have to mark their school work. They spend countless hours trying to explain to their students why their work is stupid and makes no sense. Well we want to make their lives easier. One stamp that says it all: “WTF”. Check it out
Buying for a
We all know people like this! Heck even if they aren’t a germaphobe, most people will appreciate this Public toilet survival kit.
Buying for a klutzy person who enjoys insulting people like?
Three words: Shakespearean Insult Bandages. We know what your thinking, “I hope they have enough of these in stock, my entire social circle falls into this category!” We know right?! Clearly these bandages were created because there was a high demand for them. We’ve contacted the supplier to ensure they have plenty. Act quickly though! Order now, you never know how long these will last! Check them out here.
Buying for someone who hates wearing
Most people don’t know this but people who don’t like to wear footwear actually have a disorder called melikeythefeelingofgrassundermyfeet. The symptoms include liking the feeling of grass under their feet. We know that most offices and public places make their employees wear some kind of footwear. That’s why this will be the perfect gift for your weird friend/mother who hates wearing shoes. Check these bad boys out!
Buying for someone who likes to tell the time, is a fashion diva and also loves Mr. Bean?
Thought this was going to be a tricky person to buy for, right? Well don’t worry, we’ve found the perfect gift! This Mr. Bean loving fashionista will never be late again thanks to this very trendy wrist watch!
Buying for a fashion-forward teen/tween/adult or senior citizen or a farmer with a large wallet?
This lovely handbag is made from the extremely fashionable fabric: rubber. I actually just saw Taylor Swift carrying this around after the Victoria Secret Fashion show, no lie, that’s how trendy this thing is! Buy one today, before it’s gone forever (or you have to buy it used on E-Bay).
Buying for a child who you can totally tell is going to be crazy a crazy cat lady one day?
More and more children are aspiring to be crazy cat ladies these days, due to hit TV shows like hoarders. Well, we don’t like to stand in the way of any child’s dreams! Neither should you! Help that special kid live up to their crazy cat potential with this crazy cat lady practice kit. A crazy cat lady action figure, complete with a bunch of crazy cats.
Buying for someone who likes Bananas, especially sliced ones?This life changing device will change the lives of banana lovers forever. Seriously read the reviews here. Seriously read them, all 4,585 of them. They are really, really funny.
Buying for someone who idolizes us design chicks?
You may or may not know that Laura & I are proud Canadians. We look and talk like lumberjacks and we smell like maple syrup. Most people want to be just like us. We have a lot of fans all over the world. We get emails on a daily basis from as far as Argentina, Tokyo and Madrid. The main thing our fans ask us is, how can we be more like you guys? Well, here’s a start! Look and feel like a Canadian with this “look and feel like a Canadian spray“. Mmm mmm.
Welcome to our 3rd Annual most Creative and Inspirational Halloween Costume EVER post!
You are welcome in advance.
It is with heavy hearts that we share the news that the our beloved Canadian icon and friend, Rita MacNeil has passed away. She died following complications to surgery.
As you all know Rita has been somewhat of a mascot on our blog. We chose her because we wanted to use a Canadian icon that everyone knew and loved, and boy did we choose right. She has brought nothing but joy, laughter and beautiful music to our lives.
Please stay tuned for our tribute to the lovely and talented, Rita MacNeil.