It’s been over 6 years since our last blog post and in that time we have gotten a little over 17 bazillion emails requesting that we start up again.
Carly from Newport, Arkansas, wrote to us and said;
“I feel lost without your horoscopes. My shoes are always on the wrong feet and my scrambled eggs taste like jam. I NEED your guidance”– Carly, from Newport, Arkansas (CLEARLY a Taurus)
It wasn’t Carly’s desperate plea for help that pushed us to revive the best blog in the universe. It wasn’t even Barack’s hand written note, or the FBI agent who needed expert assistance with lonely penguins. (see below).
So what made us decide to start writing again? It was actually a squirrel tail. Scratch that, it was FIVE squirrel tails.
A few months ago Robin was walking her dog and came across a squirrel tail. Just a random tail all by its lonesome. She took mental note of it and thought; that’s as weird as jam flavoured scrambled eggs.
Over a 3 month period Robin ended up finding 4 more squirrel tails. This is a true story. Here’s picture of one of them.
So Robin started to try and figure out what it meant. We are a strong believers in signs and symbols and know if you see the number 12:34 several times it means you will play acoustic harmonica at a parade in your near future. Sylvia Browne told us (via a powerful séance/audiobook) once that psychics can’t predict their own future and it’s also hard for us to sometimes find meaning in our own symbols and signs.
So Robin googled and came up with nothing much. She thought hard about it and besides the obvious meaning behind it: she was turning into a mutant human squirrel hybrid, she couldn’t come up with much.
She also felt an overwhelming sadness for these squirrels. Could they even survive without their tails? Isn’t that where their spleen is? Then one day her friend texted her to say she saw a squirrel without its tail. WHAT? They can survive without their tail?
So why the heck do they even need tails? The answer is clear. They need it to provide hilarious entertainment and joy to people who like to squirrel watch (it’s a thing, it’s even more popular than bird watching in south central Ontario). Those tails are like their very own feather boa that is growing from their butts and also is not feathered but made of fur. Also, the tail provides them with balance which is helpful when doing their daily outdoor acrobatics (which is also very entertaining for squirrel watchers).
With the knowledge that squirrels could survive sans tail Robin felt better. She went to sleep content; dreaming of weird, bare ass squirrels. She also happened to have a dream about her long lost blogging partner and soul-sister Laura.
She woke with the realization that the tail was telling her to look behind her. Not at her own bum or at that creepy guy/shadow that’s been following her around since the mid 80’s. The tails were telling her to look to her past to find joy and balance.
That morning she reached out to Laura who happened to be finishing a screenplay entitled “Animals without tails”. Coincidence? We KNOW it’s not.
They both decided they needed more balance and joy in their own lives and agreed that this blog would provide that. So here we are. Thank you squirrel tails. Thank you internet. Thank you Bill Gates. Oprah, I’m sure you had something to do with this too, so thanks.
Stay tuned for horoscopes, reviews, predictions and NEW and epic posts that will make you feel things you never knew you could feel. Also smell things. We are THAT good.