Archive for June 2012
Aries: Time to quit your job. WHAT? but WHY? you ask. Well for starters, aint nobody gets respect from working at a canned beans factory. Now put that bean scoop down and get out there!
Libra: Stop! You think you look good in white! You really, really don’t! It makes you look like one giant milk mustache. It’s not 1997, that look ain’t cool anymore!
Taurus: You feeling tech savvy today? You should be! Your moon is in your left nano-zone creating an ultra-creative tech environment for you. May we suggest inventing the i-phone 5? I’m jonesing for a new phone and I would like the latest model. Thanks! Can you also make it so it can read my mind?
Scorpio: OH SNAP! That’s right, you are going to hear a snap today if you don’t start watching where you are going! The snap will of course be either the sound of a baby squirrels neck being broken or the crack of a snails shell. It all depends on the direction of the wind through your west star today. Check your local weather station for more information.
Gemini: Have you ever taken a good look at yourself gemini? Or should I say Gem – In – Eye. That’s right, your eyes, contain gems inside them! Don’t go removing them just yet though, wait until your next moon/bowel passes, it will double in size.
Cancer: Have you ever taken a good look at yourself Cancer? Or should I say Can – Sir! That’s right you are addicted to canned foods and you are in desperate need of an intervention. Just because you call someone sir does not mean they will give you all of their canned foods. So leave everyone alone. We donated our cans to the less fortunate.
Leo: Hot diggity dog! That’s what you should be saying this weekend. That’s really all you should be saying this weekend, nobody will care if you say anything else. Zip it Leo.
Virgo: Feel like curing some meat this weekend? You are going to need to, your fridge and freezer are going to break down and you are going to have to do some mad preservation! Might as well start now. Here’s a some great tips.
Sagittarius: Want to bring overalls back into style? Me too! It’s up to you though Sagittarius, saturn of style is in your o-zone this weekend meaning you will be very influential on current trends and styles. Everyone will be watching you. The time to wear overalls is now.
Capricorn: Ever wish there was such thing as a really big kiwi without the skin? So you could eat it without peeling and it would be worthwhile because it would be really big? Ya, me too. Keep dreaming Capricorn, that’s what we like about you. You are a dreamer.
Aquarius: Alert! Alert! We are alerting you to the sale on Back Ribs at sobeys. They are one for only 3.99/lb. Just make sure after buying your truckload, you don’t bring them over to Virgo’s house. He/she is on a meat curing frenzy this weekend!
Pisces: Avoid people that don’t take design chicks horoscopes seriously. They are clearly a reincarnation of Hitler. Nobody wants to hang out with that fool.
Ophiuchus: Did you eat the hairy watermelon you bought at the store? Ha, you are ridiculous Ophiuchus. That hairy watermelon was a figment of your imagination, just like you are a figment of mine. A hairy watermelon is more likely to exist than you are. Fact.
I wished that Sex and the city would some day come back with another season, and like all wishes that come true, they are an awkward, mishaped version of what you actually wanted – kind of like an inbred child (<–top left). And sometimes that little cross-eyed ball of joy turns out to be exactly what you needed. Well folks, HBO’s new series, GIRLS is that deformed miracle. Created by 26-year old Lena Dunham, the show follows the lives of a close-knit group of twenty-somethings as they attempt to chart their lives in New York City. The pilot begins with the central character, Hannah (played by Dunham), being cut-off from the financial support of her parents, as she is left to face the reality of finding a “real” job to make ends meet, all the while attempting to flourish as a writer and navigate through her awkward personal life. GIRLS provides an honest portrayal of young women pursuing their dreams in New York, and the hilariously painful truths of it all. It’s funny, inappropriate, and authentic. In short, MY NEW FAVOURITE SHOW.
The first season has already ended, so get on it!
Check out this trailer !
As you all know, we have been overwhelmed with positive feedback from our movie review section. We get about 7 zillion hits a day. We have also gained about 72 million blog followers so as a thank you to all of them, we have decided to start reviewing some of their blogs. We know how valuable our opinion is. In fact 9 out of 10 times Obama reads our horoscopes 100 percent of the time. We also understand that our opinion at times can be harsh. I mean, did you read our Sex and the City review? We are still getting hate mail from Samantha. So the point is, we are sorry in advance if you are offended by our review in any way. I think the traffic that will be generated towards your site will be well worth it though.
First blog we are going to review is a blog called Robotic Rhetoric. The tagline on this blog states Berking around since 1993. Doubtful! Blogs – otherwise known as online diaries only really became popular in 1998 and I doubt the Rhetoric Robot guy was a pioneer. Upon further investigation I found that the writer of this blog was actually born in 1993. Yes that’s right he was born the same year the Toronto Blue Jays won the world series. Poor guy, he probably didn’t even get to enjoy the series let alone Joe Carter’s amazing homer to win it all. I investigated even further and realized that this guy is also from Oxford, England. Correct me if I’m wrong, but what I know of England is they can only use computers on the upper deck of double decker buses and their keyboard is actually backwards. So I was very surprised at how well-written this blog was. I was also surprised to see that there were no Lions, witches, wardrobes or turkish delight (that I could find) on this blog. Strange, I know. I did find some rather amusing posts. What I found even more amusing are his british expressions. He says, Jazz all (kinda like F*ck all –only way classier and more toothy). My favourite expression he uses though is fur-ball glamourpussies which refers to Kate Middleton. Just kidding read this article and you will see. All-in-all I found this blog quite amusing. The writing is witty and smart and the design is minimalistic. Overall I give this blog 3 Anne Murray’s and one Mr. Tumnus out of 5. Laura what did you think?
Well Robin, right off the bat one thing is extremely clear, this guy is totally not british! I mean come on, do brits actually say “naughty bits” and “cheeky”?? Pretty sure Madonna used those words when she put on her fake accent that one year, claiming the culture just “rubbed off” on her. <—-No really check it out, its balloks! Now I’m not one to judge, I, like any westerner LOVES to fool people into thinking I’m a londoner – in line at the movies, at weddings on boats, elevators, and my personal favourite, in a public washroom asking the neighbouring stall for a “spot of tissue.” Heck, sometimes I think in a British accent! All things aside, this blog gets my stamp of approval, its fun, whitty (another word I like to say in my accent), and completly random, which I think is the essence of great blogging. Don’t you hate it when you come across a blog thats written like a Margaret Atwood Novel? Please, if I wanted to learn about theorizing of canadian identity I’d take a light jog through the Group of Seven section at the AGO. BORING! wheres the Warhol at?!! I give this blog 4 british Madonnas out of 5! Great work Robot Rhetoric man, but what the heck does “Berking” mean?