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Archive for December 2011

I would just like to say that Laura and I are mute and can only speak through blogging, so this does not represent us in the least.  Still funny though.  Watch episode 1 & 2 of Shit Girls Say below.

With Kessel, if you have a chance finish him! He’s a good player… but don’t shit your pants on him!!!”
John Tortorella

After months of desperate anticipation, and many sleepless nights, HBO’s Emmy-Award-winning, epic hit series “24/7” made it’s truiphant return this Wednesday and certainly did not disappoint. This time round, one of the National Hockey League’s most intense rivalries – The Philadelphia Flyers and the New York Rangers – is documented in the weeks leading up to the 5th annual NHL Winter classic outdoor game on January 2, 2012. The 4 part series provides fans with an unscripted, all-access experience into the lives of the two of the NHL’s best teams on and off the ice, before facing off in the first ever outdoor NHL game played at Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia.

Now as you may or may not know I am a die-hard Toronto Maple Leafs fan, so naturally I would despise these two Eastern Conference rivals. However after watching just one episode of the new series I instantly have a renewed admiration for the teams – more specifically their Head Coaches Peter Laviolette and John Tortorella – who have both won Stanley Cups in 2006 and 2004 respectively. They tell it exactly like it is with their no holds barred attitudes towards their players and the game, and this truly resonates with me as a hockey player.

Also, for those of you who have not seen the 24/7 Penguins/Capitals from last year you may want to hide your kids, and hide your wife before watching this. If there was a drinking game for every time someone dropped an f-bomb, you would be passed out precisely within the first 10 minutes. I know Robin was. No lie! Key highlights of the episode include Flyers goaltender Ilya Bryzgalov explaining the universe and Russian booze, Sean Avery being Derek Zoolander, and anything John Tortorella says. BOOM!

We here at Designchicks believe in covering all bases. Just because we celebrate the birth of Santa Claus on Dec 25th, doesn’t mean we forgot about Hanukkah! I mean, come on-ukkah! We’re always looking to expand our knowledge, so we hit the streets to ask some good-lookin’ jewish people some questions about their holiday and what they thought about ours!

Now, we know Hanukkah is celebrated across 8 days. We’re kinda jealous cause Christmas is only 1 day! Maybe you could lend us some? it’s only fair.

What are your thoughts on Christmas Trees?
They’re a fire hazard
But aren’t Menorah’s just as dangerous? allowing kids to play with fire, yikes!
…I guess?

Why are most comedians Jewish? We’re not Jewish but everyone thinks we’re funny. What’s with that?
What does that have to do with Hanukkah?
hahah you’re hilarious! 

So do you leave out milk and cookies for Santa like we do? Or do you leave him bagels and lox, because it’s kosher?
What? no, we dont leave anything out. And Santa isn’t real.

We’re big fans of the dreidel. Did you know the word ‘dreidel’ comes from the word ‘ladle’ which is a large spoon commonly used to scoop soup from a large pot into smaller bowls?
Actually it comes from the word ‘dreyen’ which means ‘to turn.’ Don’t you think that makes more sense?
Hmm…we’ll have to look into that… 

Well we sure did learn a lot! Stay tuned for the second part of our holiday interviews as we hit the streets to find out more about Kwanzaa!

Okay so after our Halloween costume post we have been getting about 67,000 emails a day requesting we do a Holiday gift idea post.  I know what you are thinking.  Oh my Gaaaaaaawd it’s 10 days before christmas and I don’t know what the frick to get Uncle Ted or Aunt Felicia or cousin Alfred.  Especially cousin Alfred.  That guy is Craaaaaazy. Well we’ve put together a list that has something for everyone (even Alfie).

Buying for a music lover?  Buying for someone that wants to keep music alive, well into the future?  Are you not buying for Chad Kroeger…lead noise maker of Nickelback?  Well we’ve got the perfect gift for you.  What is cooler than the classic Black band T?  I know.  The classic black band T that donates part of it’s money to help ensure children across the country have access to music programs at school.   That’s cooler.  Check out Guataca to order one today!

Buying for a Trekkie?  Ya we all have at least one person in our family that loves Star Trek.  My sister is one of those crazy hooligans.  She even got her ears genetically modified to look like a vulcan.  Just kidding, but I’ve probably just given her a horrible idea.  Jen don’t do this.  Why not learn to cook like a vulcan instead.  Get your Trekkie freak family member a Star Trek Cookbook. 

Buying for a Bacon Lover?  No?  Then you are clearly buying for a Cupcake Lover!  Pretty much anyone can fit into one of these two categories.  What’s a better gift than something you will 2-3 times every single day??!   Nothing I tell ya!  Bacon or cupcake flavoured toothpaste will make anyone’s holidays seem like a miracle on [insert street name here].

Buying for a stinky car person who loves Kraft Dinner?  Who isn’t!  Why not switch that smelly sock box into a delicious Kraft Dinner-mobile.  That’s right, its a mac & cheese scented air freshener. 

Buying for a fan of yodeling or pickles?  Again, I know…doesn’t everyone fall into this category?  Bet you didn’t know you can actually buy a yodeling pickle!  Thank gawd for us design chicks.  Local/international heroes. 

Buying for someone who never wants to do anything ever?  Well clearly this person is going to run out of excuses not to do anything.  What’s better than the instant excuse maker!?  Also, on a side not you should probably break ties with this person.  People who don’t like to do anything are usually pretty toxic and or boring.

Buying for someone who is too busy to be hygienic?  Two words. Pocket.  Shower. Wha?  I know right!  I’m a pretty busy woman believe me… I  haven’t showered in weeks and I smell like a bed of roses (without any dead rats hidden in the sheets).  My secret?  Pocket Shower!

Buying for that crazy drunk in your family.  Hint hint* This one’s for me!  Just kidding.  But seriously this is pretty cool.  A hangover cookbook.  Wha? Yes, I said it, a cookbook for hangovers.  Sounds ahhhmuzzing!

Buying for a girl who wants to pee like a guy?  Enough said.  Female urination device.

Okay I think that just about covers everyone.  You are welcome! Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah!  Peace in the middle east!

Did you know that the reason Vampires are popular right now is because there is a chemical imbalance in the world every 6 to 12 to 52 years.  It causes surges in Vampire popular culture.  This is scientifically proven.  Ask anyone.    Did you know that the same can be said about Babysitters?  I know what your thinking…what the grill, babysitters don’t suck blood.  Babysitters aren’t always unusually pale.   I know this, trust me.  I used to babysit and I have a rather lovely olive complexion.  But, every few years or so there is a surge in the popularity of Babysitters in pop culture. 2012 is set to be the highest babysitting popularity year ever.  Watch out for it!  Check out this trailer for The Sitter featuring Jonah Hill (before he got skinny so you know it will be good)

I saw this trailer and I immediately thought of one of my favourite movies from the late 80’s – Adventures in Babysitting.

I’m sure watching the trailer made you think of all the amazing babysitting movies out there.  See?  You are getting all surged up ready for the year of Babysitting in pop culture.  Design Chicks said it first!

I don’t know how many times I’ve been wearing sunglasses and thinking “well these glasses are great, they protect my eyes, but I cant see behind me! whats with that!” Well say goodbye to those embarrassing moments, and say hello to Speyes, the fantastic glasses that transform your eyes into mini telescopes. So discrete, you can wear them for any occasion! WEDDINGS! “whoa back off bitches, those flowers are mine!” SURPRISE PARTIES “I can see all of you hiding, nice try!”  BIRTHS “Keep pushing! the baby is com..oh my gosh I see another one up there!” DATES “After taking a closer look at this relationship, I dont think this is gunna work out.” JOB INTERVIEWS “One of my greatest strengths is foresight *wink*.”

Don’t be a loser, be a looker! Get your pair of Speyes now!!

Aries: Wednesday! what a day! It reminds me of most Aries, in the middle and kind of forgettable. Wow that was an offensive one! We’re sorry, but we can’t sugar-coat our visions. Take it like a man.

Libra: Adopting a chimp is NOT a good idea, no matter how many times you’ve seen Monkey Trouble. What ever happened to that actress anyways? [pause for google search] Not a whole a lot apparently. Last movie she was in was Pregnancy Pact, a made-for-TV movie about teen girls who decide to get pregnant at the same time…so owning a chimp = career suicide! Dont be stupid Libra.

Taurus: Be the change you wish to see in the world. And if the world was a glass of water from your fridge it would be a really dirty place – It’s time to change your brita filter Taurus. Seriously, its been 2 years. Thats really uncalled for.

Scorpio: We know you had a really weird dream last night. We won’t tell anyone, just take comfort in knowing that dreaming of David Copperfield vacuuming your basement in a 2-piece is totally normal. It just means you need to budget more wisely.

Gemini: Did you know that the word “Gemini” is derived from a popular dish in Germany called “German Fry”? A classic dish consisting of one cucumber-sized fry, covered in Rotwurst and Flönz oder Blunzen? mmmmm. Stay away from small appliances today.

Cancer: Time for a change of scene. Take a trip! Venus is in your convexular, which means this is a good or bad idea…best to stay put then.

Leo: Pick a card. did you pick one? now close your eyes. BAM! its the Seven of spades! wow. could we BE any more psychic?

Virgo: Thinking about what to get your loved ones this year for christmas?  Have no fear, subscribe them to our blog! It’s free and they will never go hungry again (if they follow our horoscopes everyday, we will ensure that they eat everyday)

Sagittarius:  Park your car in a traffic calming zone today.  Take a break, get a massage, take a nap.  This is an zone for calming after watching the movie Traffic. We know you watched it last night, Sagittarius, because we know everything. ©2011

Capricorn: Try something different today, may we suggest Soy peanut butter?  It’s a nice alternative and his has no nut products in it.  Bam! Nut free-for-life.

Aquarius:  Your sense of smell is heightened today.  It’s because the moon has passed over your left nostril.  Avoid the meat section at the grocery store, unless you want to bloody cows.

Pisces:  Protect yourself from gypsies today. On the gypsy calender, today is attack a Pisces today.  Don’t trust anyone, even Jasmine from Disney’s Aladdin.

Ophiuchus:  Most people say: don’t steal candy from a baby.  We say  don’t steal candy from a pornstar, you don’t know where that sh*t has been.  Oy!

If you don’t know anything at all you should atleast know one thing.  Today is Brittany Spears’ 30th birthday.  Makes me feel really old.  I feel like I’ve known Britt for years.  I’ve even seen her kooka.  Let’s reflect shall we!  Here’s a little timeline of her time in the spotlight.  Way to go Brittany, your only regret in life should be dating Justin Timberlake before he got rid of his nasty perm.  Regrets! We all have them.

Brittany Spears through the years







Aries:  The secret is out Aries, you have a fetish for clowns doing demolition derby.  We get it. Don’t be ashamed.

Libra:  Try your best to act like you believe George Lopez would today.  For Libras today is WWGLD day. Cherish this day, it only comes around ever 17 years.

Taurus: Go out for lunch today you deserve it!  Do not eat anything on the left side of the menu.  You will get food poisoning and possibly die or poop your pants in public.  I’m not sure if it’s my left side or yours…. hmm.  Sorry this reading is a little foggy.

Scorpio:  Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get.  Except when you order a big mac.  Apparently even if you order one in Japan they make it the same way.  You should probably go there and test out this theory.

Gemini: UGh Gemini, stop complaining!  You really grind our gears.  Take a moment today to reflect on all the good things in life like mock turtle necks and this.

Cancer: I think it’s time to buy a new sofa. Remember when Uncle Murray pooped on your sofa? It’s still smells like Uncle Murrays poop. Check out Leon’s Ho Ho Hold the payments sale on right now!

Leo:  It will snow on your car today. Do not panick, it’s just snow, not particles from your hair.  If you are nervous about your horrendous dandruff, Head & Shoulders does work.  Troy Poloumolou says so!

Virgo: Take a dance lesson tonight. Specifically Mime Jazz. Yes it exists. and its amazing.

Sagittarius: Pockets can say a lot about a person. For example, your pockets are rather big. This means you used to be a kangaroo in your previous life. Look inside your pockets…you will find a 2 in 1 shampoo and conditioner sample. Wash your hair with this to bring you good health.

Capricorn: Blossom Russo is your soulmate. Yes I know, awful news. But you must accept this and reach out to her. she’s waiting.

Aquarius: I think its time for you to start a diary ——- If you thought that was a good suggestion, then you are super lame. a diary? hahah what a loser.

Pisces: Pisces are very good at cards. You should try your luck at a casino tonight. If you lose all your money, then you are not a true pisces and your entire childhood was a lie. You should probably find your real parents.

Ophiuchus: Go crazy this weekend! buck wild! rent Cocktail .

I am really sad to announce that I went to see the new Muppets Movie tonight and was thoroughly  disappointed.  I don’t want to go to into detail, I’m hoping Laura will see it too and we can write the most epic (possibly musical)  review ever.  While I was watching the movie, I was reminiscing about all the actual funny muppet moments there’s been.  Here’s one that you may have never seen before.  It’s a real diamond in the ruff.

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