Horoscopes! Hoopla! Let us blow your mind!

Oh my goodness gracious, it’s December 1st and we all know what that means!  It’s the first day of your advent calenders.  It’s also clinically proven that today is the day our psychic powers are at it’s strongest.  I think it’s due to the early morning chocolate from the calender. I’m not really sure though.  Read these and get blown away by how real and epic and amazing we are.

Aries:  Pepper spray is not meant to spray on your stirfry, regardless of how bland it is.

Libra:  If you haven’t applied for a shoppers optimum points card, today is the day you should.  It’s one points card us design chicks highly recommend.

Taurus: Write a nice letter or message to someone you normally wouldn’t.  It will either make their day or make them think you are a total creeper.  It’s a risk you need to take.

Scorpio:  My sister thinks I write these ones about her.  So, go to a dress fitting today.

Gemini:  Stop using electronics that have ridiculously big numbers.  They are meant for people with really big fingers or bad eye sight.  We all know that Gemini’s are known for having twig fingers and perfect vision.  The gig is up!

Cancer:  Clementines are on sale today.  Be the hero of your workplace and bring a whole basket in.  You’re office will be overwhelmed by the generosity and the boost in their vitamin c levels.

Leo:  One month before New Years.  Start eating a lot of carbs and McDonalds.   It will make it easier to reach your goal of losing 10 pounds later.

Virgo: You really need to start working out. I don’t want to be mean but, you got way too much junk in your trunk.  Maybe skip out on the advent calender this year.

Sagittarius: I’m sure you’re familiar with the term, “revenge is a dish best served old.” Make sure you age your revenge like a fine wine before you go off causing a ruckus too soon!

Capricorn: You will feel like your office building is on fire today, don’t run away, its just Edna’s space heater. No one likes premature evacuation –  its embarrassing and uncomfortable for everyone.

Aquarius: Find your old high school bully today, and finally put them in their place! Also ask them what the Mcdeal is that day. ZING!

Pisces: Do something completely original today. Trade in that new iphone for a fax machine!

Ophiuchus: Rosie O’Donnell once said “I wax with honey!” Not sure why we are mentioning this? We’re not sure why you are in this list, you don’t exist.


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