We only had one complaint that someones horoscope didn’t come true last friday so I’m thinking we were probably like 99% accurate.

Here are Mondays horoscopes!

Aries: If you are thinking of having soup for lunch today make sure to drink it out of a cup, if you use a bowl you not only spill some on your pants you will also end up looking like this

Libra: A blank envelop will appear in your near future. Open the envelope there will be a message inside. Read the message. Its okay to get up on that table and sing if you wanna! Libras are good at that. If you were a Sagitarius Id recommend not to. this girl must be a sagitarius…

Taurus: If you don’t read this blog 7 times today you will grow an arm out of your chest like this guy.

Scorpio: Listen to a Kelly Clarkson song, the third verse says everything.

Gemini: Potato skins may have exactly what you are looking for today

Cancer: Do not, I repeat do not wear moon shoes today. You WILL twist your ankle and bruise your knee.

Leo: If you think that filling up a kiddy pool with pasta and eating it with a giant fork isnt the best idea in the world, then you really need to do some self discovery today.

Virgo: Remember when Bruce Willis once said “yippie kay ey mother*****” and blew up the enemy aircraft in Die Hard 2? that was AWESOME.

Sagitarius: Dont sing on tables today like this girl

Capricorn: mars is entering the lunar nebula, this means that its time for you to switch to low fat margarine.

Aqaurius: Today is a good day for you to participate in a scavenger hunt with Ellen Degeneres. Wait for her call this afternoon. and make sure you wear a sweater vest.

Pisces: Watch out for zombies. You may think you know someone today but they turn out to really be a zombie.