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I know what you are thinking. Why the heck haven’t you done this before? I don’t have an answer for that, so just relax. We are doing it now and if you’re lucky we will do it again next year. There is so much Oscar buzz out there right now I can hardly contain myself. Just kidding, most of it is stupid and boring. So we’ve decided to create this super unboring and unstupid Oscar Preview. FINALLY RIGHT?! You are welcome!
Best sound editing: Obviously goes to whoever made this video (he MUST be nominated, we would be shocked if he wasn’t)
Best Actor in a Leading Role: Rob Ford – His leading role as Mayor of Toronto has definitely been a performance to talk about! But what has really impressed the Academy is the physical transformation he went through to look the part. Here’s a before and after picture of him.
Documentary Feature: This documentary about a goat eating dinner wins for so many reasons; mainly because it really, really makes you think.
Biggest Oscar Snub: Smurfs 2. We know why this didn’t get nominated. Bottom line: the Academy is filled with a bunch of racists.
Most shocking nomination: Dallas Buyers Club. Why? We know it’s a great movie. It’s just the Academy is usually very snobby when it comes to nominating sequels. I mean, hello, Smurfs 2 wasn’t nominated. So we were just surprised that the sequel to Ghosts of Girlfriends Past was.
Best picture: Again an obvious winner here … This picture of a squirrel waiting for a bus! 
Most likely to have a nip-slip: Ellen DeGeneres
Most likely to get really thin before Oscars and then gain the weight back before the end of the night: Jonah Hill
Most like to storm the stage and pull a Kanyé West: Tom Hanks – seriously, that guy is a ticking time bomb.
Most likely to be dealing out Quaaludes on the red carpet: Leonardo Dicaprio
Most likely to buy Quaaludes from Leonardo Dicaprio on the red carpet: June Squibb
Goodbye to our hero
Posted on: February 13, 2014
Rita MacNeil
(May 28, 1944 – April 16, 2013)
We had a really difficult time with the passing of Cape Breton’s First Lady of Song: Rita MacNeil. She was an inspiration to us and we actually felt like we knew her. You know when you think you are friends with a celebrity but you really aren’t? (hope that’s not just us sounding crazy…people do that right?). Well we considered her a friend and part of our blogging family. Laura, Robin and Rita. Just like Three’s Company or Charlie’s Angels only very, very different.
As many of our zillions of die hard fans know, we haven’t been blogging much lately. It’s hard, when the face of your blog passes away – how do you continue on? We’ve thought long and hard about it and we’ve decided that Rita would have wanted us to go on. How do we know this? Well in all honesty we don’t, but we did think we were friends with her so let us think this too okay?
Here are some of our favourite things about Rita.
1. Rita MacNeil was a feminist. Not just because she was a female. You know you can be a feminist even if you aren’t female. Get your head outta the clouds. The RCMP actually spied on her and a bunch of other female activists in the 1970’s to try to understand the new generation of women who shunned traditional female roles and fought for for equal pay, sex education in schools and access to abortion. Go RITA!!! Read more about this here.
2. She was on an episode of Trailer Park Boys
3. She had a fondness for oversized hats. SO DO WE RITA!!!
4. Rita drove a Nissan Cube. You know that car that kind of looks like a refrigerator.
5. Rita made her family laugh even after her passing. In her will she wrote, “Upon my death, I would want to be cremated immediately, my ashes to be placed in my tea room teapot. Two, if necessary,”.
Her daughter Laura Lewis said, “My mom loved to laugh and she had a wonderful sense of humour. She showed us that humour and laughter is a wonderful coping mechanism in hard times.”
WE TOTALLY AGREE RITA!!!! With that being said, the blog must go on!!
Thank you Rita for all that you have done. You are missed every single day.
It is with heavy hearts that we share the news that the our beloved Canadian icon and friend, Rita MacNeil has passed away. She died following complications to surgery.
As you all know Rita has been somewhat of a mascot on our blog. We chose her because we wanted to use a Canadian icon that everyone knew and loved, and boy did we choose right. She has brought nothing but joy, laughter and beautiful music to our lives.
Please stay tuned for our tribute to the lovely and talented, Rita MacNeil.
GIRLS – sh#! just got real
Posted on: June 18, 2012
I wished that Sex and the city would some day come back with another season, and like all wishes that come true, they are an awkward, mishaped version of what you actually wanted – kind of like an inbred child (<–top left). And sometimes that little cross-eyed ball of joy turns out to be exactly what you needed. Well folks, HBO’s new series, GIRLS is that deformed miracle. Created by 26-year old Lena Dunham, the show follows the lives of a close-knit group of twenty-somethings as they attempt to chart their lives in New York City. The pilot begins with the central character, Hannah (played by Dunham), being cut-off from the financial support of her parents, as she is left to face the reality of finding a “real” job to make ends meet, all the while attempting to flourish as a writer and navigate through her awkward personal life. GIRLS provides an honest portrayal of young women pursuing their dreams in New York, and the hilariously painful truths of it all. It’s funny, inappropriate, and authentic. In short, MY NEW FAVOURITE SHOW.
The first season has already ended, so get on it!
Check out this trailer !
New Section Alert! Blog Review!
Posted on: June 12, 2012
As you all know, we have been overwhelmed with positive feedback from our movie review section. We get about 7 zillion hits a day. We have also gained about 72 million blog followers so as a thank you to all of them, we have decided to start reviewing some of their blogs. We know how valuable our opinion is. In fact 9 out of 10 times Obama reads our horoscopes 100 percent of the time. We also understand that our opinion at times can be harsh. I mean, did you read our Sex and the City review? We are still getting hate mail from Samantha. So the point is, we are sorry in advance if you are offended by our review in any way. I think the traffic that will be generated towards your site will be well worth it though.
First blog we are going to review is a blog called Robotic Rhetoric. The tagline on this blog states Berking around since 1993. Doubtful! Blogs – otherwise known as online diaries only really became popular in 1998 and I doubt the Rhetoric Robot guy was a pioneer. Upon further investigation I found that the writer of this blog was actually born in 1993. Yes that’s right he was born the same year the Toronto Blue Jays won the world series. Poor guy, he probably didn’t even get to enjoy the series let alone Joe Carter’s amazing homer to win it all. I investigated even further and realized that this guy is also from Oxford, England. Correct me if I’m wrong, but what I know of England is they can only use computers on the upper deck of double decker buses and their keyboard is actually backwards. So I was very surprised at how well-written this blog was. I was also surprised to see that there were no Lions, witches, wardrobes or turkish delight (that I could find) on this blog. Strange, I know. I did find some rather amusing posts. What I found even more amusing are his british expressions. He says, Jazz all (kinda like F*ck all –only way classier and more toothy). My favourite expression he uses though is fur-ball glamourpussies which refers to Kate Middleton. Just kidding read this article and you will see. All-in-all I found this blog quite amusing. The writing is witty and smart and the design is minimalistic. Overall I give this blog 3 Anne Murray’s and one Mr. Tumnus out of 5. Laura what did you think?
Well Robin, right off the bat one thing is extremely clear, this guy is totally not british! I mean come on, do brits actually say “naughty bits” and “cheeky”?? Pretty sure Madonna used those words when she put on her fake accent that one year, claiming the culture just “rubbed off” on her. <—-No really check it out, its balloks! Now I’m not one to judge, I, like any westerner LOVES to fool people into thinking I’m a londoner – in line at the movies, at weddings on boats, elevators, and my personal favourite, in a public washroom asking the neighbouring stall for a “spot of tissue.” Heck, sometimes I think in a British accent! All things aside, this blog gets my stamp of approval, its fun, whitty (another word I like to say in my accent), and completly random, which I think is the essence of great blogging. Don’t you hate it when you come across a blog thats written like a Margaret Atwood Novel? Please, if I wanted to learn about theorizing of canadian identity I’d take a light jog through the Group of Seven section at the AGO. BORING! wheres the Warhol at?!! I give this blog 4 british Madonnas out of 5! Great work Robot Rhetoric man, but what the heck does “Berking” mean?
Foreign Exchange Rated R – Dora The Explorer Behind Bars for attempted bank robbery
Posted on: June 1, 2012
At 9:45 this morning, a loud scream echoed through the windows of a TD bank at yonge and finch. Immediately following this disturbance, bystanders claim to have seen a large brown-haired figure, with a pink shirt and bulging purple backpack, bolt from the entrance. She has been identified as Dora Alejandrina Blanca Marquez. Formerly known by her screen name, Dora The Explorer. She was quickly detained after being spotted a few blocks from the bank, asking viewers at home to help her find ways to reach places with the help of her Map. Rookie mistake. Police have discovered that robbery is just part of a long list of felonies – drug trafficking, spousal abuse, and identity theft – to name a few. She is currently being held in custody at Pearson airport awaiting deportation to spain, where she will be tried as an adult – amongst the records of her colourful past, officals have discovered that Marquez is in fact a 45-year old midget hiding as an 8-year old girl. They believe she drew inspiration from the movie The Orphan.
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Put your 3D glasses on, this post is about to get MULTI-DIMENSIONAL!
I know what your thinking, how can a simple blog post be 3D? thats ridiculous. Um hello, I’m pretty sure these words are popping out of the screen as we speak, sucks you can’t see it, it’s mad cool.
Someone who also masters 3D almost as good as us is James Cameron. And he’s probably the only person we know who can release a blockbuster hit a second time with 3D in the title and run away with millions! well probably zooming away on a segway, cause thats how nerds with too much money travel.
That brings us to our newest review – TITANIC THREEEEE DEEEEEE! Yes, Leo still dies in the end *spoiler alert*, No Kate Winslets boobs do not look any bigger, and yes, obviously there is a twist ending (the ship is invaded by a mexican gang). As different and exciting all of this was, it was still a great movie, brought me back to the days of being an awkward grade sevener and wishing Leo would be my boyfriend…things havent changed much. I give this movie 5 ritas riding a segwey out of 5!
what did you think Robin??
Woah chestnut! Hold your horses! 5 Ritas? Are you mad? Have you completely lost your mind?
SHITTY MOVIE STRAIGHT AHEAD!
When I was in grade 8 (ya I’m older than Laura…wiser too and more accurate with movie reviews and horoscopes) I didn’t really get the hype of Titanic. I mean I had posters of Leo on my wall….I thought he was hot and all but I mean, did you see Good Will Hunting? If you didn’t it’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. I just realized that if you haven’t seen Good Will Hunting, you wouldn’t get what that’s all about. So go to your local Jumbo Video and rent it, grab some free popcorn while you’re at it. GWH is much better than Titanic, and it was released in the same year. ***Spoiler alert Matt Damon doesn’t die but he does take his shirt off.** Okay back to reviewing Titanic. Why is Rose so fat? Just kidding. But seriously Kate stop eating cheeseburgers…3d cameras add 3 times the weight. Oh hush, hush. I’m just kidding people. So the overall this movie was just as good if not better than Final Destination….Titanic in 3D was just as good if not better than The Final Destination…(that’s the one that’s in 3d). It is really too bad that Devon Sawa wasn’t there to predict the iceberg and save them all, only to have them all die in the by random crazy events. That would have made a great movie. I would have given that 4 rita’s or 5 if it was in 3d. But it didn’t happen…so I’m going to give this movie 2 Rita’s on a boat with Devon Sawa and 1 George Bush eating a cat out of 5. How do you like D’em Apples. (Another great quote from Good Will Hunting…you should see it!)
Okay Laura, don’t be too dramatic. I will never quit design chicks. Ever. I just quit my day job though to go on to bigger and better things. I have now convinced Laura to join me in my new venture. What will we be doing you ask? We will be teaching photoshop to old people. Why you ask? Simple. We want to be stinking, filthy rich. How will we become stinking, filthy rich you ask? Simple. We will teach old bitties photoshop, duh.
Picture this: you are old, I mean, cripple & pruney old, and your beatiful 20 something year old grand daughter snaps a picture of you. You take a peak at it and gasp. Who is that cripple pruney broad in the photo before you? It’s you! Well, how is that a picture appropriate for you facebook profile picture? I can tell you the answer, it’s NOT. Take a few lessons from us and you will be able to turn your photo from wrinkly old prune to a Jennifer Anniston look-a-like. What do you think a geriatric would pay for such services? We’ve done some (minimal) research and we’ve concluded that they would spend about $3,000 an hour. Cha-ching!! If you are interested in such services please contact Laura or I. Just google us.
Check out our photo bellow, where we took a picture of Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen looking like trashy, used up celebs and made them look young, youthful and ready to have some peanut butter jelly time. Yes, it is the exact same picture with a little photoshop manipulation. Hold the phone! We are only offering our services to retired people willing to shell out some serious dough. We did this project for Mary Kate and Ash pro-bono and becuase they’ve been retired from spouting out phrases like “you got it dude” and ” You’re in big trouble, mister!” for quite some time now.
In memoriam: Robin McNicoll
Posted on: October 14, 2011
Friends, family, blog world, I am sad to announce that my fellow cooworker, Robin McNicoll has decided to leave me. WHAT?! NO! HOW? BUT I THOUGHT YOU TWO WERE INSEPARABLE!
So did I, I had even built a cottage in muskoka for us to blog in and grow old together. But alas, her love for me has hardened like a chocolaty shell over a soft vanilla ball from dairy queen. A brick of chedder cheese that wasn’t re-wrapped properly, so the end of it is dark and inedible. Dark like my very soul at this very moment. ROBIN DONT GO! DONT LEAVE ME! Who am I to laugh with, raise a child with, and most importantly, ride a ferry with. oh how you loved slow boats.
I leave you with a song that I feel sums up our relationship. There have been ups and downs, we’ve laughed, we’ve cried. mostly cried, but by god you are my hero. You are the wind beneath my wings.
Farewell sweet friend.
I always knew online gamers had something up their wizard sleeves. Behind those sweaty palms and cheeto-stained chins, there are mad scientists at work – and they may just be the key to huge advancements in aids research! What?! how is that even POSSIBLE?! it’s possible, and it happened. Using the online game foldit, gamers accuratley predicted the structure of a retroviral enzyme that has stumped scientists for more than a decade – wow I bet those scientists feel really dumb. for real. Experts are saying this discovery could also spark new projects between scientists and gamers across the planet! (or the ENTIIIIIIRE UNIVERSE, according to the gaming nerds). So go visit a local gamer near you and give them a pat on the back for a job well played, and maybe stay for a crustless peanut butter sandwich and sunny-D lunch prepared lovingly by their mother – thanks mom!
