Design Chick's Blogaboo!

Last years Halloween Costume blog was such a hit, we’ve decided to give you some more earth shattering, mind blowing ideas.  Choose any of these costumes and you will be the life of any party.

Obama and Romney. This one will make you and your friend look super smart and into politics! Just grab some cardboard at your local No Frills and make two podiums, put on a couple suits, and wabam! you’ve got yourself a debate! Bonus points if you can sing this song.
Inflatable bike helmet girl. Be the first to flaunt one of the stupidest inventions of the year! This one should be easy, just take an inflatable pool chair and fasten it on your head


Sophia Grace & Rosie. The key here is a buttload of pink, a tutu, a tiara and a British accent. If you make people barf out chipmunks you know you succeeded in being as cute as these 2 adorable farts.

Breaking Amish. Value village meets big city.

There’s so many variations of Kenny Powers. Mexican Kenny, thuglife Kenny, Baseball Kenny.

The Dictator. Any character that Sascha Baron Cohen has ever played is typically a good costume.

Mr. Rogers. Easy costume, plus he’s like super “in” right now.

Abby and Brittany Hensel. Easy couple costume! just get an oversize shirt cozy up with someone and get really, really drunk. This will help with the look.

Why wouldn’t you want to be a pickle for halloween?

They key to a good Cee Lo Halloween costume is a pair of shades, creating a tubby body and also the optical illusion that your arms are too short for your body. Also buy a pink parrot, he’s more attached to that thing than his left knee cap.  For reals!

Kevin from The Office. This is a good costume for a really dumb looking balding guy. Slop on some kleenex shoes for a more formal look.

Lindsay Lohan through the years. Why be just one version of lindsay when you could be multiple?! This one requires a few different wigs and coke-addict makeup. You’ll need to carry these with you so you can alter your costume throughout the night so you get progressively crazier. SPOOKY!

Naked Cowboy at Times Square. Everybody loves this guy! This is a great way to make a few bucks on halloween too! Just strip down to your underwear, find a corner and let it rip! (the guitar solos, that is).

Debbie Downer. A classic but a goody! This is a great way to meet people. Walk up to random groups and interrupt their conversations with stories about your dying cat or your spreading foot fungus. You’ll be the life of the party!

The Hamburgler. This is a great excuse to stand outside of McDonalds and steal peoples burgers! They cant do anything but laugh it off “oh hahaha I get it! thats hilarious! I’ll just buy another”

Are you surprised that your family doesn’t want you at their festive feast this year? What did you do wrong? Did you double dip in Aunt Beths famous “Gummy bear and cream cheese delight”? Did you pick up Grandpa Joe from the airport only to find when you arrived to dinner that he is in fact not Grandpa Joe? Did you drink too much wine and pass out on the neighbours lawn with a turkey leg up your butt? Dear god, I wouldn’t want you back either! Don’t fret, cause that’s the beauty of family, they can avoid you, but they can never really get rid of you!

Step 1: Find the Location
You don’t know where dinner is being held this year because you didn’t receive an invite. No problem. Call around, claim ignorance, and make them feel bad. One of them is bound to crack!  eg: “Oh hey Aunt Beth, I forgot who was hosting this year,” “Hey Uncle Steve, I  lost my invite,” “Hows Grandpa Joe doing? Can’t wait to see him this year!”

Step 2: Infiltrate and Attack
haha! you’ve got the location, now you need to arrive without anyone really noticing. That way you’ll just “be there” and everyone will assume that you belong. Kind of like when you’re approached by a dinosaur, immediately put your hands to your chest and squawk, assimilate, beeee there. Back windows are a good place to start, but I find the very best strategy is finding the kids, your  second cousins, your nieces and nephews, your little munchkins who will lead you down the yellow brick road to glory.  They are bound to be playing in the backyard, just go round back and toss them a frisbee, BOOM you’re in. If you get all of them to tackle you while laughing, bonus points. Your family will eventually gaze out the window “hey, look who it is” “how long has he been here?” “who cares, at least he’s keeping the kids happy”

Step 3: Act like you did nothing wrong
Yes you are in, but there are still going to be a few angry relatives who demand an explanation for your behaviour last year. These ones will bring you down. I like to call them Land Mines. Three words: AVOID AVOID AVOID. Sit at the opposite end from anyone you suspect to be a LM. If you see them approaching you from across the room, redirect your gaze and claim you have to go to the bathroom. Some will be more persistent than others, these ones aren’t afraid to make a scene. Put the music on really loud so even if they are yelling, no one will hear them – alternatively you can “accidentally” lock them in the pantry. what?! There’s food in there…

Step 4: Tell an amazing story at Dinnertime – be the life of the party
This is it, it’s your time to shine. You’ve got everyone where you want them (including the unlucky relative in the pantry). Some people have trouble with this one, but we are going to tell you a little secret.  Your worst moments make your best stories. We should know.  Laura once got into a verbal altercation with a hooker in a Tim Hortons bathroom and I once accidentally put “urban” hair product into my hair and looked like I took a bath in vaseline.  Heck, these weren’t our finest moments but they do make great dinner party stories.  One thing I know for sure is, we always, ALWAYS get invited back.  So what we suggest is telling the story of something stupid you did, perhaps even your previous thanksgiving when you woke up with a turkey leg in your arse on the neighbours front lawn.  Too soon?  Nah!  The secret to telling stories that you believe some people will be offended by is simple… Just laugh really, really, really hard.  Uncontrollable laughter will ease any uncomfortable situation.  When you laugh uncontrollably other people will follow suit and whoever is left not laughing will look like the über douche.  Hopefully this guy won’t be invited back next year, that is unless he reads this blog.

Step 5: Redeem yourself
Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone wakes up with turkey skin flapping out of their butt every once in a while.  Even Obama.   Everyone always has a chance to redeem themselves though.  After everyone is all limbered up from their laugh attack they will be more open to your bullshit.  Feed them lies.  Elaborate lies. Lies about helping underprivileged sweat shop children in New Guinea get degrees in restaurant management.  People eat that shit up.  Trust me.  Have we ever lied you guys?  No, not ever.  We are experts in every field.  Now, that they think you are a hero and no longer a zero…you are set for next year…. That is until they find Aunt Zelda in the pantry.  Act confused if she tattles on you.  Scratch your head, look dizzy….look concust.  Concust people do crazy shit all the time.  Now…start laughing…. Uncontrollably.  You are as good as golden.

New section alert!  I know Laura and I haven’t been writing a lot lately and it’s mainly because we’ve been so irritated with the world.  We’ve decided to channel our inner frusteration and make a new blog section.  Let us know if anything irks you too!  We might just feature it.
What’s the deal with….

Shampoo Commercials. Why is new shampoo always a “breakthrough discovery” and “perfected science”?? is that even possible?!  Do attractive women in lab coats and heels actually mull over the perfect ingredients? Its hair soap for peats sake! Soap + water = bing bang boom! clean.

Toilet Paper. Does two-ply really make a difference? is your bum THAT messy? Has one-ply actually ripped in your hands while wiping??? If so, maybe the real problem is coming from the source, if you know what I mean…

People who “bum” cigarettes. When someone on the street comes up to you and asks for a cigarette its become the social norm to say “sure man!” without thinking it strange. But what if someone random came up to you and asked for a piece of gum when they see you pop one? Or worse, a fry from your McDonalds happy meal?! You’d think they were a FREAK!  “um no…I don’t even know you…seriously?”.  Think about it!!!

No mirrors in change rooms. This is the WORST! Pretty sure when I try something on I’d like to see what I look like without everyone staring at me when I walk out to the communal mirror in the middle of the store. I don’t want to point fingers COSTA BLANCA, but this is just unacceptable!

The popcorn button on your microwave: Seriously have you ever actually pressed that button?  I have and it literally and technically only pops about 2/3rds of the kernels.  If you don’t know how to pop stop advertising your popcorn popping skills.

People with those big ear hole earingsFor real, that shit doesn’t grow back so why the hell would anyone ever do that to their ears.  I actually have trouble making converation with people who have them.  I just keep thinking you must be dumb as rocks. DUMB AS ROCKS.  It’s almost bad as doing this.

Rat tails:  I know it’s not the 90’s and not many people sport rat tails anymore but on occasion I do see them.  I always think to myself, that awful fashion/hair choice took years to develop.  For PETE’S sake, how has nobody told you how disgraceful rat tails are.  I also think, anyone with a rat tail must come from a trailer park (no offense all you trailer parkers we only have love for y’all) and how is that nobody at the trailer park has gotten drunk enough to just walk up to the damn thing and and cut it off.   I would do it after a glass of pinot…sheesh.

These horoscopes are geared towards anyone going back to school.  Although they can be applied to anyone.  Replace teacher with sister or boss or homeless guy down the street and you are as good as golden.  Replace school with sushi bar and whammy – everyones moons are aligned.

Aries: Nobody in your school has a peanut allergy. Let’s be honest…peanut allergies don’t exist.  Neither do gluten or ragweed allergies.  Stand up for your rights and bring a peanut butter/ gluten and ragweed sandwich to school today.

Libra:  Don’t like your teacher?  Neither did Clay Aiken, and look how he turned out!  No talent, weird hair and he has a strange obsession with rubber chickens. Think twice about not liking your teacher.  Rubber chicken fetishes are hard to shake.

Clay Aiken is obsessed with rubber chickens.

Taurus: If you want to get noticed early on in the school year “accidentally” forget your pants at home.  You will be a shoe-in for prom queen/king or most likely to be in a Marky Mark and the funky bunch cover band.  Both equally as cool school statuses.

Scorpio: Do not, I repeat, DO NOT get a locker near the science lab.  You will 100% lose a limb, or possibly forget your locker combo.  This reading isn’t coming in to clear.

Gemini: Need to pick a topic for a speech?  Stick to what you know Gemini. Recipes containing fluff or the need for a universal language containing only whistles and kicks. In fact, you should perform your entire speech in this language.  Your teacher will love it and you might even get moved to a class for special people.

Cancer: Thinking about trying the new chicken burger in your school cafeteria?  Think twice about it.  It has been endorsed by the one and only, you guessed it, Clay Aiken.  That chicken is rubber fool.

Leo: You don’t know this yet but you are severely allergic to peanuts/gluten and ragweed.  Make sure you bring an EpiPen to school today, we suspect Aries might bring a sandwich in that might send you into Anaphylactic shock.

Virgo: Want to make nice with your new teacher? Forget about that shiny apple in your backpack, its 2012! (and it has been proven that an apple a day does NOT keep the doctor away, it rots your teeth!).  Instead, give her a poster of Audrey Hepburn with one of those wishy washy quotes of hers about looking pretty and wearing shoes, chicks like that right?

Sagittarius: You were a nerd last year, but this time things will change! why? because a) your former bully went to fat camp this past summer and got stuck in a tire swing, firefighters are still trying to cut him out. b) watch “17 Again” it has all the tips and tricks on how to be the cool kid. PLUS you get to oogle over Zack Effron for 2 hours! Man he’s hot…

Capricorn: Join a club this year! Chances are your school will start a Glee club cause apparently they needed a tv-show to affirm that singing and dancing is in fact FUCKING AWESOME.

Aquarius: So you  fell in love with an australian chick over the summer and broke up with her cause she was leaving. And now school has started and that same chick goes to your school now! And your friends are asking you to tell them ALL about it! and your like “those suuuuuummer niiiiiiights” and then you make a musical about it and get rich. BAM.

Pisces: TARGET is now in TORONTO!! You can FINALLY get those perfect back-to-school outfits on those happy kids you saw in their commercials but could never have!

Ophiuchus:  You went back to school today only to find out you still don’t exist. Boom.

This morning I woke up and was extremely hungry.  I mean hungrier than a hippo or Randy Jackson before his stomach stapling surgery. I was searching through my fridge and I came across 2 things. 1. tubed cookie dough (Delicious!) and 2. eggs.

I thought to myself…what should I eat?  Eggs seem substantial.  Cookie dough seems delicious and so simple to eat…just a squeeze of the tube and satisfaction would be mine.  No muss, no fuss, no pesky shells!

So after 7 – 10 minutes, I finished eating my raw cookie dough and I started to go into a severe sugar and gluten comma, I began to regret my decision. I wish there was a better solution to my breakfast dilemma. I wish I could have eaten the substantial eggs but in an easier, more convenient form.  If you are anything like me, I really don’t like eating eggshells.  I find it make my eggs far too crunchy.

Well, luck be a lady this morning!  Look what I came across on the interweb!  Another incredibly useful, amazing, highly desired invention/food product created by the Japanese!  Tubed Eggs!  What could honestly be better?  Seriously?  Anything?  Seeing Justin Bieber ride a unicycle while eating Jello?  That would compare….but the Japanese have probably already create an App for that.  So don’t you worry!   Go on, grab some tubed eggs this morning and squeeze your breakfast onto your plate or (how I like it) directly into your pie hole.


Thanks Jenelle for this one!

Clever ad.  Clever indeed.


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