Here are horoscopes for this fine frenzy of a friday
Aries: Don’t believe what you heard about mexican hat dancers. They work hard for their money so you better treat them right.
Libra: Don’t believe what you heard about graphic designers. They work hard for their money so you better treat them right.
Taurus: Potato pancakes should not be eaten while dancing today. Shreds of potato could get caught in unwanted areas.
Scorpio: Brush your teeth. I mean right now, go brush your teeth your breath smells like fried chicken and barley.
Gemini: Your feet are really dry. Go moisturize and use an spf 15 moisturizer, it’s hot out! Feet need protection too.
Cancer: Butter or margarine today that is the question. The answer is butter. But make sure to switch to unsalted, the salted contains little midget ants.
Leo: Bravery is not only for firefighters. Bravery is eating an undercooked piece of chicken.
Virgo: Some of our favourite people are virgos and if you are reading this, then congrats you aren’t one of the few that we hate like Regis Philbin and Mickey Mouse
Libra: funny thing about regis philbin, he grew up in a tree.
Sagitarius: Sagitarius comes from the word “planitarium”, which is short for “bagel”. so Id advise staying away from bagels for the rest of your life…it would be like eating your own kin.
Capricorn: If you ever get swept away to a far off land by a tornado, dont trust the tin man. he’s actually a perv.
Aquarius: You will find todays winning lottery numbers in this creepy song
Pisces: use this weekend to choreograph a fun little number to show your peers. if they give you funny looks, tell them to come talk to us, we’ll set them straight, and we’ll also encourage them to subscribe to this blog! thanks for your commitment to our cause Pisces. Together we will change the world.