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Posts Tagged ‘PISCES


Aries:  Tag someone in a facebook picture today that is not in fact said person.  It will start a friendly banter and you will become the talk of the social media town.

Libra: Are you going out tonight?  If you are, please remember these three things. 1-lice can be airborne and toxic.  2-french people are not nice in any way and they do not like to be called frogs.  3. French people carry knives.

Taurus: You think you’re a taurus don’t you.  That’s because you are stubborn, you are probably a gemini.  Check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Scorpio:  Do not, i repeat, DO NOT play “fuzzy bunny” with candy corn tonight.  The sharp triangular edge of the candy will pierce your cheeks and you will need to get a cheek implant from your bum skin.  People will call you bum skin face.

Gemini: Tap dancing with ugg boots just ain’t cool, atleast not tonight.  Add some bottle caps to your boots for next weekend and give it a shot.

Cancer:  Carry a tide-to-go in your hand bag tonight.  YOu will spill gravy on yourself or get pooped on by a very large animal… possibly a panda or a liger with panda tendencies.

Leo:  You should start your own bookclub tonight.  It will become really really big that or you will become really really big.  Start counting your calories and exercising just incase.

Virgo: change your status on facebook to “Im a poo head”. do it. seriously, or you will have bad luck for 30 minutes. and boy, what a loooooong 30 minutes that will be. you’ll be sorry

Sagittarius: you’re not very good at many things. we both know this. so give up the charade! you will never be a successful keyboardist.

Capricorn: fun fact – brillo pads are great exfoliators! use them daily in the shower instead of your wimpy lufa. what are you? a girl?

Aquarius: buy 4 large wheels of cheese tonight and construct a vehicle. challenge someone to a race. when they accept, say “dont be ridiculous, you expect me to race you in this thing? idiot”. And then flip him the finger and drive away in your cheese car.

Pisces: Be more excited about life! Walmart called. They actually called me to tell you that they want their lack of enthusiasm and poor hygiene back.

Ophiuchus: throw yourself into a pile of snow today infront of a large crowd, flail your arms around  and yell “the water is soooo nice!”. then encourage the local children to play marco polo with you.


BIG NEWS!
did you hear?? the earth has shifted 43.5 degrees on its rotator cuff and has caused major drama in many areas of life. Kittens are multiplying at a terrifying speed, bob saggot is running for mayor in wisconson, and astrological signs are all outta wack! I know…I know. this is terrible news. (except for me, cause Im a leo and leos are awesome. brrrrap)

We take these matters seriously here at designchicks inc. and we STRONGLY recommend you check here for your new sign or your horoscope may not be as accurate as they always are! so don’t blame us if you didnt get that memo about not participating in an organized sport tonight.

Aries: Do not go horseback riding this weekend, you will fall of your horse and forget about your entire 3rd grade class.

Libra: ya I think its time. get that sex change

Taurus: go to a bar tonight and flash someone. they deserve it, they’ve had a long day.

Scorpio: you are in a very tough position right now. lemur or lemons? mixed or mangled? toxic or non toxic? cant really help you with this one, just be aware that your choices are WACKED

Gemini: learn a new dance today from a trained professional

Cancer: are you wearing your wednesday panties today?? how embarassing

Leo: keep being awesome! you are so great. 

Virgo:  Bury your favourite umbrella today.  Bury it at least 3 feet underground, but not by a beach.  Ye be warned.

Sagittarius:  If you hang out by a pizza hut parking lot tonight past 9.20 pm some may get the wrong impression of you.

Capricorn:  You will meet a (not the) mother goose today.  She will greet you with a large wet poop right on the back of your neck.  To  prevent embarrassment and serious hygiene issues wear a white turtle neck.

Aquarius:  Get a tattoo today.  If you can’t think of what to get, try something unique like Nick Nolte having coffee with Pochahontas.

Pisces:  You need a new pair of shoes, may we suggest these.

Ophiuchus: The sandwich that you left in the fridge 2 weeks ago should not be fed to your dog. This seriously could happen. Seriously, it happened to my aunts friends facebook poke friend.


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