did you hear?? the earth has shifted 43.5 degrees on its rotator cuff and has caused major drama in many areas of life. Kittens are multiplying at a terrifying speed, bob saggot is running for mayor in wisconson, and astrological signs are all outta wack! I know…I know. this is terrible news. (except for me, cause Im a leo and leos are awesome. brrrrap)
We take these matters seriously here at designchicks inc. and we STRONGLY recommend you check here for your new sign or your horoscope may not be as accurate as they always are! so don’t blame us if you didnt get that memo about not participating in an organized sport tonight.
Aries: Do not go horseback riding this weekend, you will fall of your horse and forget about your entire 3rd grade class.
Libra: ya I think its time. get that sex change
Taurus: go to a bar tonight and flash someone. they deserve it, they’ve had a long day.
Scorpio: you are in a very tough position right now. lemur or lemons? mixed or mangled? toxic or non toxic? cant really help you with this one, just be aware that your choices are WACKED
Gemini: learn a new dance today from a trained professional
Cancer: are you wearing your wednesday panties today?? how embarassing
Virgo: Bury your favourite umbrella today. Bury it at least 3 feet underground, but not by a beach. Ye be warned.
Sagittarius: If you hang out by a pizza hut parking lot tonight past 9.20 pm some may get the wrong impression of you.
Capricorn: You will meet a (not the) mother goose today. She will greet you with a large wet poop right on the back of your neck. To prevent embarrassment and serious hygiene issues wear a white turtle neck.
Aquarius: Get a tattoo today. If you can’t think of what to get, try something unique like Nick Nolte having coffee with Pochahontas.
Pisces: You need a new pair of shoes, may we suggest these.
Ophiuchus: The sandwich that you left in the fridge 2 weeks ago should not be fed to your dog. This seriously could happen. Seriously, it happened to my aunts friends facebook poke friend.