Rita Rating – How do you know?

How do you  know if a movie is really terrible?  Well it has a bunch a celebs that you love like Paul Rudd, Owen Wilson and Reese Witherspoon but it also makes you want to breath in chlorophome and have a good ol fashioned forced nap.  Seriously this movie had the juice but it lacked substance, like Burt Reynolds without a moustache or Suzanne Sommers without the thigh master.  I have a serious crush on Paul Rudd, his short arms and blue eyes have a way of making me feel like a 12 year old girl after popping an ecstasy at a Bieber concert.  Soooo you would think that his ridiculously long drawn out scenes about god knows what would have me in a real Beiber fever, but NO…I literally just felt hung over.  The ecstasy had worn off, I felt lost and impotent.   I do not recommend anyone see this movie, there was really no point to it.  It didn’t make me laugh or cry or even scream or vomit.  Literally no point.  I give this movie 1 George Bush eating a cat out of 5.  Why George Bush eating a cat? No reason, there is no point to him eating the cat, just like there is no point to this movie.  That just happened.  Laura, what do you think?

How do you know when its time to walk out in the middle of a movie.  Oh I don’t know, when you just remembered that you left the coffee maker on, or you have explosive diareaah, OR when you put a dried up actress in a stupid rom com about…frankly I don’t even remember what it was about. I don’t even think the directors knew what it was about.  I don’t even think the innocent mail boy who delivers the mail to everyone in the production studio and eventually climbs his way to the top to become a famous movie producer knew what it was about. (or did that only happen in the 40s?). Nevertheless, it was abysmal. Wait I think that word is too sophisticated for this movie, I’m gunna say it was POOPY *fart noise*.

“Why did you see it laura?” you ask. Well I will tell you. But its kind of embarrassing, I was…drugged. YES ITS TRUE! I was drugged and kidnapped and before I knew it I woke up in a dark theatre with popcorn in my lap and a massive headache from hearing reese witherspoon’s incessant whining. Im okay, don’t worry. Thanks for your concern. I just need to rest.

I give this movie one rita bathing. Because that’s what I would have rather been watching.


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