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Posts Tagged ‘Film

Aries:  You will eat a meal today that was once covered in Bat feces. Poo!

Libra:  The creepy looking dog you saw earlier is actually a rabid wolf dressed up for Halloween. Deadly!

Taurus:  Long lasting deodorant? More like chlorophyll!

Scorpio:  Stop being such a witch.  Unless you are serious about the wicken ways.  Much respect.

Gemini:  Do no help someone in need today.  They will murder you and feed you to their pet lion.  Spooky!

Cancer:  You smell like an egg salad sandwich.  Narly.

Leo:  I hope you aren’t going to the washroom right now.  I guarantee you that there is a python in your toilet.  Oh ssssnap.

Virgo:  Shave your face tonight.  Tomorrow something will start growing under your nose and will remain there for a whole month.

Sagittarius: Do not eat an apple today.  There will be a needle in it and you will get infected with a serious and deadly virus!  Scandalous!

Capricorn: Don’t panic, but there is a ghost on or in your genitals.  Uh oh!

Aquarius: You will start a new job of some sort today. Most likely cleaning out dead peoples organs.  Gruesome!

Pisces: The ghost of your great grandmother is living in your neighbours Schnauzer.  Go to her.

Ophiuchus: You don’t even exist. Today or ever.  Eeerie!

Last night I tripped and and fell down my stairs and lodged my arm between my dresser and the wall. I screamed for help but noone came. 2 hours had passed and I was running out of water, and I started to hallucinate.  I was getting weaker by the minute. It was now or never. So I cut off my arm. Its true. And if I hadn’t seen 127 hours the night before I wouldn’t be alive today. Thankyou James Franco.  A) for lookin’ daaaamn fine and b) for teaching me how to cut off a limb with a blunt knife, while still looking daaaamn fine! (who knew you had to reach your hand in and split the tendons with your fingers!).  I don’t have one bad thing to say about this movie other than 127 hours just wasn’t enough air time for J dog. Im hoping for a sequal, called “127 hours, oops I did it again” where he has to cut off his other arm with his artificial claw.  How exciting would that be?!!
I give this movie 4 war amp ritas!

what did you think Robin?


Holy guacomole! We both saw the same movie again!   I was hesitant to see this movie because I tend to fall asleep in movies that are more than an hour and a half long.  I thought there is no way I can stay awake for a movie that is 127 hours.   That is like a really long movie, fo’ real!  Then James Franco called me up and said, “Hey beautiful, just wanted to inform you that the movie title 127 hours has nothing to do with the length of the movie,  also you give me butterflies because you are so great.”  I was like aw James that’s really nice, I will check your movie out!  Anyways,  the movie is a true story about a guy who is mountain climbing in utah and then BAM BOOM BAH…he get’s his arm trapped under a boulder and is stuck for 127 hours.  How does he get out do you ask?  Well I don’t want to give away the ending but this guy probably couldn’t be a hand or arm model but he could audition to be Captain Hook in peter pan.  Gosh I hope that wasn’t too obvious.  Anyways, James Franco (I call him Jamie-Froo) is amazing in this movie and should probably win an oscar or the chance to host the oscars even!  Oh snap, he is hosting them.  I wonder if he can bring a date.  I’ll have to ask him.  I give this movie  4 captain hook Rita’s + 1 pic of James and I last weekend.  That counts as like 4 ½ Rita’s out of 5.

How do you  know if a movie is really terrible?  Well it has a bunch a celebs that you love like Paul Rudd, Owen Wilson and Reese Witherspoon but it also makes you want to breath in chlorophome and have a good ol fashioned forced nap.  Seriously this movie had the juice but it lacked substance, like Burt Reynolds without a moustache or Suzanne Sommers without the thigh master.  I have a serious crush on Paul Rudd, his short arms and blue eyes have a way of making me feel like a 12 year old girl after popping an ecstasy at a Bieber concert.  Soooo you would think that his ridiculously long drawn out scenes about god knows what would have me in a real Beiber fever, but NO…I literally just felt hung over.  The ecstasy had worn off, I felt lost and impotent.   I do not recommend anyone see this movie, there was really no point to it.  It didn’t make me laugh or cry or even scream or vomit.  Literally no point.  I give this movie 1 George Bush eating a cat out of 5.  Why George Bush eating a cat? No reason, there is no point to him eating the cat, just like there is no point to this movie.  That just happened.  Laura, what do you think?

How do you know when its time to walk out in the middle of a movie.  Oh I don’t know, when you just remembered that you left the coffee maker on, or you have explosive diareaah, OR when you put a dried up actress in a stupid rom com about…frankly I don’t even remember what it was about. I don’t even think the directors knew what it was about.  I don’t even think the innocent mail boy who delivers the mail to everyone in the production studio and eventually climbs his way to the top to become a famous movie producer knew what it was about. (or did that only happen in the 40s?). Nevertheless, it was abysmal. Wait I think that word is too sophisticated for this movie, I’m gunna say it was POOPY *fart noise*.

“Why did you see it laura?” you ask. Well I will tell you. But its kind of embarrassing, I was…drugged. YES ITS TRUE! I was drugged and kidnapped and before I knew it I woke up in a dark theatre with popcorn in my lap and a massive headache from hearing reese witherspoon’s incessant whining. Im okay, don’t worry. Thanks for your concern. I just need to rest.

I give this movie one rita bathing. Because that’s what I would have rather been watching.

mac and me Well this is super exciting for me.  My favourite movie growing up was Mac and Me.  The movie is about Eric, a young boy in a wheelchair who has just moved to a new neighbourhood and a lost and scared alien, Mac who is also new to the neighbourhood and planet.  Mac and Eric become good friends trying to dodge the evil people at NASA who want Mac for experimental purposes.   For me, this was a movie that I could literally and figuratively watch over and over again.  So I am sooo very excited that Jade Calegory (the man who played Eric) was able to answer our celeb questionnaire.

1) What is your favourite 90’s sitcom?
Seems like a lifetime ago and nothing is really ringing a bell. Even now though I don’t really watch a lot of sitcoms, I mostly am into things like Hells Kitchen or No Reservations. Oh wait I do like Glee too.

2) Do you own any music by Rita MacNeil?

Nope… Am I missing out? (HELL YA YOU ARE!!)

3) Do you have any nicknames?
JRide and Onyx

4) Do you have a favourite youtube video?  If so, what?
Not a favorite video but I do have favorite channels. I was addicted to equals three and sexephil but have gone to youtube rehab and now only watch occasionally..

5) Do you have a favorite hat? If so please describe or send us a photo of you wearing said hat.
I wish I did. I love hats but every time I try one on I never seem to be able to pull it off, it’s sad.

6) Do you have any hidden talents? If so, please describe, or send us a video of you demonstrating said talent.
Tragically nothing like tying a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue but I did become pretty good with wheelchair stunts like launching the chair off flights of steps. I don’t know if that’s a talent though or just being a kid with a few screws loose.

I hope this helps and thanks for the honor of being apart of your blog!  (That’s right he feels honored to be part of our blog…so all you celebs out there that haven’t  gotten back to us yet…take some notes for the amazing actor/designer Jade Calegory..and get on it!)

Okay. First I would like to start by saying  that it was not my decision to see this movie. Being the best daughter in the world is a tough job, and my position was tested last night when I agreed to see Charlie St. Cloud with my lovely mother. Secondly, Robin I don’t expect you to see this movie and review it, I dont wish that upon anyone. This review is merely a warning to anyone who may be tempted by the appeal of shirtless Zack Effron. STAY BACK! its a TRICK!

Within the first ten minutes of the movie, Effron loses his younger brother  in a terrible car accident, attends his funeral and begins to see his ghost. The moment he said to his ghost brother “I will come here, every day at sunset and play catch with you…I promise” is when I popped a handful of advil rapid releases in hopes of slipping into a mild comatose state wherein I could endure the remaining hour and fifty minutes of the movie.

Here’s what I managed to get out of it as I drifted in and out of consciousness: Effrons brother dies, he plays catch with him. he loses his zeal for life. he meets girl. girls gets into sailing accident, lost at sea. zack has a vision that she is still alive. zack steals boat to find her. zack takes his shirt off (pause for visual) to keep her warm. zack saves her life. zacks brother becomes a tiny orb, which I can only assume represents his ascent into heaven. the end.

This movie gets ZERO ritas out of five. But on a different scale, I give this movie 5 shirtless zack effrons. because frankly, the movie needed more of it.

I know we haven’t done a Rita Rating in a while and I have a good reason for that. After seeing this movie, I couldn’t figure out if my life was real or if I was a crazy person on an island. So for the last few weeks I have been asking people…”Am I a crazy person living on an island?” Instead of getting a straight answer from anyone…I just had people looking at me like I had 16 heads (not very reassuring).

Anyways, the point is this movie is pretty great. So great in fact that it made me question my own sanity. Leonardo Dicaprio does a stellar job portraying Teddy Daniels who is investigating the disappearance of a patient from Boston‘s Shutter Island Ashecliffe Hospital. There’s about 42 twists and turns in this movie and I’m not going to reveal any of them. You need to watch this movie. Get up. Get your pants on and drive to the movie store. Pick up Shutter Island and some Junior Mints. Drive over here, drop off the junior mints and then go home and watch the movie.

I give Shutter Island 4 Rita’s in a high fashion leather straight jacket and 1 Ann Murray album cover (this counts as a half..because Anne doesn’t have the same street cred as Rita) Total 4.5 out of 5.

Laura what did you think?

Well Robin, you completely missed the mark with this one. As usual. The movie isn’t just “pretty great”. Its amazing. So amazing that I’m not even upset that Leo dies at the end. *spoiler alert*. just like in Inception *spoiler alert*.  Nevertheless, this movie blew my mind. And for all of you who saw it and said that you knew the ending the whole time because you are super smart – you’re full of poo or you just didn’t get it. If you haven’t seen it yet, do what Robin says and get your pants or your fundies on, and rent this movie immediately. don’t you wanna know how leo dies?

I give this movie FIVE “leonardo dicaprio making out with rita” ritas out of FIVE

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