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Put your 3D glasses on, this post is about to get MULTI-DIMENSIONAL!
I know what your thinking, how can a simple blog post be 3D? thats ridiculous. Um hello, I’m pretty sure these words are popping out of the screen as we speak, sucks you can’t see it, it’s mad cool.

Someone who also masters 3D almost as good as us is James Cameron. And he’s probably the only person we know who can release a blockbuster hit a second time with 3D in the title and run away with millions! well probably zooming away on a segway, cause thats how nerds with too much money travel.

That brings us to our newest review – TITANIC THREEEEE DEEEEEE! Yes, Leo still dies in the end *spoiler alert*, No Kate Winslets boobs do not look any bigger, and yes, obviously there is a twist ending (the ship is invaded by a mexican gang). As different and exciting all of this was, it was still a great movie, brought me back to the days of being an awkward grade sevener and wishing Leo would be my boyfriend…things havent changed much. I give this movie 5 ritas riding a segwey out of 5!

what did you think Robin??

Woah chestnut!  Hold your horses!  5 Ritas?  Are you mad?  Have you completely lost your mind?
When I was in grade 8 (ya I’m older than Laura…wiser too and more accurate with movie reviews and horoscopes)  I didn’t really get the hype of Titanic.  I mean I had posters of Leo on my wall….I thought he was hot and all but I mean, did you see Good Will Hunting?  If you didn’t it’s not your fault.  It’s not your fault.  It’s not your fault.  I just realized that if you haven’t seen Good Will Hunting, you wouldn’t get what that’s all about.  So go to your local Jumbo Video and rent it, grab some free popcorn while you’re at it. GWH is much better than Titanic, and it was released in the same year.  ***Spoiler alert Matt Damon doesn’t die but he does take his shirt off.**  Okay back to reviewing Titanic.  Why is Rose so fat?  Just kidding.  But seriously Kate stop eating cheeseburgers…3d cameras add 3 times the weight.  Oh hush, hush.  I’m just kidding people.  So the overall this movie was just as good if not better than Final Destination….Titanic in 3D  was just as good if not better than The Final Destination…(that’s the one that’s in 3d). It is really too bad that Devon Sawa wasn’t there to predict the iceberg and save them all, only to have them all die in the by random crazy events.  That would have made a great movie.  I would have given that 4 rita’s or 5 if it was in 3d.  But it didn’t happen…so I’m going to give this movie 2 Rita’s on a boat with Devon Sawa and 1 George Bush eating a cat out of 5.  How do you like D’em Apples.  (Another great quote from Good Will Hunting…you should see it!)

This preview made me laugh out loud and Laura actually peed her pants.  She’s gone home from work now and the office stinks of urine.  Still I think I’d like to see this movie

Last night I tripped and and fell down my stairs and lodged my arm between my dresser and the wall. I screamed for help but noone came. 2 hours had passed and I was running out of water, and I started to hallucinate.  I was getting weaker by the minute. It was now or never. So I cut off my arm. Its true. And if I hadn’t seen 127 hours the night before I wouldn’t be alive today. Thankyou James Franco.  A) for lookin’ daaaamn fine and b) for teaching me how to cut off a limb with a blunt knife, while still looking daaaamn fine! (who knew you had to reach your hand in and split the tendons with your fingers!).  I don’t have one bad thing to say about this movie other than 127 hours just wasn’t enough air time for J dog. Im hoping for a sequal, called “127 hours, oops I did it again” where he has to cut off his other arm with his artificial claw.  How exciting would that be?!!
I give this movie 4 war amp ritas!

what did you think Robin?


Holy guacomole! We both saw the same movie again!   I was hesitant to see this movie because I tend to fall asleep in movies that are more than an hour and a half long.  I thought there is no way I can stay awake for a movie that is 127 hours.   That is like a really long movie, fo’ real!  Then James Franco called me up and said, “Hey beautiful, just wanted to inform you that the movie title 127 hours has nothing to do with the length of the movie,  also you give me butterflies because you are so great.”  I was like aw James that’s really nice, I will check your movie out!  Anyways,  the movie is a true story about a guy who is mountain climbing in utah and then BAM BOOM BAH…he get’s his arm trapped under a boulder and is stuck for 127 hours.  How does he get out do you ask?  Well I don’t want to give away the ending but this guy probably couldn’t be a hand or arm model but he could audition to be Captain Hook in peter pan.  Gosh I hope that wasn’t too obvious.  Anyways, James Franco (I call him Jamie-Froo) is amazing in this movie and should probably win an oscar or the chance to host the oscars even!  Oh snap, he is hosting them.  I wonder if he can bring a date.  I’ll have to ask him.  I give this movie  4 captain hook Rita’s + 1 pic of James and I last weekend.  That counts as like 4 ½ Rita’s out of 5.

How do you  know if a movie is really terrible?  Well it has a bunch a celebs that you love like Paul Rudd, Owen Wilson and Reese Witherspoon but it also makes you want to breath in chlorophome and have a good ol fashioned forced nap.  Seriously this movie had the juice but it lacked substance, like Burt Reynolds without a moustache or Suzanne Sommers without the thigh master.  I have a serious crush on Paul Rudd, his short arms and blue eyes have a way of making me feel like a 12 year old girl after popping an ecstasy at a Bieber concert.  Soooo you would think that his ridiculously long drawn out scenes about god knows what would have me in a real Beiber fever, but NO…I literally just felt hung over.  The ecstasy had worn off, I felt lost and impotent.   I do not recommend anyone see this movie, there was really no point to it.  It didn’t make me laugh or cry or even scream or vomit.  Literally no point.  I give this movie 1 George Bush eating a cat out of 5.  Why George Bush eating a cat? No reason, there is no point to him eating the cat, just like there is no point to this movie.  That just happened.  Laura, what do you think?

How do you know when its time to walk out in the middle of a movie.  Oh I don’t know, when you just remembered that you left the coffee maker on, or you have explosive diareaah, OR when you put a dried up actress in a stupid rom com about…frankly I don’t even remember what it was about. I don’t even think the directors knew what it was about.  I don’t even think the innocent mail boy who delivers the mail to everyone in the production studio and eventually climbs his way to the top to become a famous movie producer knew what it was about. (or did that only happen in the 40s?). Nevertheless, it was abysmal. Wait I think that word is too sophisticated for this movie, I’m gunna say it was POOPY *fart noise*.

“Why did you see it laura?” you ask. Well I will tell you. But its kind of embarrassing, I was…drugged. YES ITS TRUE! I was drugged and kidnapped and before I knew it I woke up in a dark theatre with popcorn in my lap and a massive headache from hearing reese witherspoon’s incessant whining. Im okay, don’t worry. Thanks for your concern. I just need to rest.

I give this movie one rita bathing. Because that’s what I would have rather been watching.

Big news, Laura and I both saw the same movie again! I think we might even agree on this one too.  I liked it and if Laura says she doesn’t like it in her review it’s just because she’s trying to be difficult.  Laura is the bad cop, the Ebert if you will.  Anyways, I’ve been using facebook for a few years now so I assumed that the movie was actually based on me.  I mean I have like 478 friends and counting on facebook so I’m pretty popular.  So of course, I was dying to see who would play myself in this documentary of my life so I rushed out to see the movie.  I was let down, I mean big time.  The movie was not about me at all, but it was about the founders of facebook.  I left for half of the movie and cried to myself in the washroom then I shook off the disappointment and returned to the theater.  The movie was actually really great.  The banter back and forth between characters reminded me of Dawson’s Creek a bit…only this banter totally worked because they were people from Harvard and people from those parts are real smart. I give this movie 4 ritas with a poking stick out of 5. Laura what did you think?

Oh hey Robin! it’s great to be back at it, thanks for the kind words.  Let me just be real with yall for a second. If this movie requested my friendship on facebook I would accept it immediatly! If this movie were a facebook event I would click “attending” with a smily face, no jokes. No but seriously, if this movie was all “hey laura, hows it hangin” on my wall, I’d reply “oh not much, just chillin, bad boyz 4 life” because we’re tight like that. okay really now, if this movie was playing farmville I wouldnt make fun of it and call it a loser because it might kick my ass. In short, this movie really surpassed my expectations. I went into it a little sceptical. I mean really, I spend all day on facebook, do I really need to see a movie about it? apparently yes! I was pleasently suprised to find out that mark zukerberg is a nerd with balls! and thats what makes the story so appealing. revenge of the programming nerds! he may have lost his best friend and girlfriend in the process but who cares, he’s rich bitch! and pretty sure he’s dating some asian gold digger now anyways. now thats what I call a “happy ending” 😉

I give this movie 4 Facebook swag ritas out of 5!

Wow we haven’t done these in a while! (apparently Robin doesn’t like to see new movies) BUT we finally both saw THE TOWN. Directed by Ben Affleck. Okay this movie was wayy over rated. like “up in the air”, I was very disappointed. NOTHING HAPPENED. Ben robs bank, ben falls in love with girl, ben cant tell her who he really is, blah blah blah, shooting, blah blah blah, a few witty lines, blah, the end. AND don’t get me started on Blake Lively, what the hell was she doing in this movie?!!!! Its not hard to act like your high on oxy cotton, they could have chosen any no name for the part and it would have been much more authentic. In all, this movie just seemed like it was trying too hard to be a badass heist movie but it just ended being a bad version of SNATCH, except substitute the awesome pikey accents with annoying boston ones, and the talent/hilariously entertaining plot with no talent and a plot that I could have written in gr 5. So I guess its not like Snatch at all. Damn Snatch was awesome.

Hey Laura, did you know that eating bananas will decrease your symptoms of PMS?  You should eat some.
This movie was great.  I once married a guy from Boston, his name was Matt Damon, he took me to red sox games and fed me beer by the tub.  Okay, I actually just dreamed about that. Anyways, I have a thing for boston accents.  I have a thing for Ben and Matt…I mean have you seen Good Will Hunting?  Hello?  Anyways, the Boston accents didn’t bother me, in fact I rather enjoyed them.  This movie not only inspired me to rob more banks but it also gave me some great ideas for my upcoming Halloween outfit.  I was actually surprised at Blake Lively’s performance. Isn’t she the girl that gossips a lot and wore those sista-pants?  She pulled off the oxy-cotton Bostonion well I thought, especially if her only formal acting training is wearing pants.   I give this movie a 3 out of 5.  It was better than Reindeer Games but not as good as Good Will Hunting.  Also, since I know Ben will be reading this, I’d like to take this opportunity to invite him to my birthday party.  It’ll be around the 17 of February. (Don’t worry Laura isn’t invited)  Hugs!

Also if you want to enter a super fabulous contest win a night out on the town enter here.

Okay. First I would like to start by saying  that it was not my decision to see this movie. Being the best daughter in the world is a tough job, and my position was tested last night when I agreed to see Charlie St. Cloud with my lovely mother. Secondly, Robin I don’t expect you to see this movie and review it, I dont wish that upon anyone. This review is merely a warning to anyone who may be tempted by the appeal of shirtless Zack Effron. STAY BACK! its a TRICK!

Within the first ten minutes of the movie, Effron loses his younger brother  in a terrible car accident, attends his funeral and begins to see his ghost. The moment he said to his ghost brother “I will come here, every day at sunset and play catch with you…I promise” is when I popped a handful of advil rapid releases in hopes of slipping into a mild comatose state wherein I could endure the remaining hour and fifty minutes of the movie.

Here’s what I managed to get out of it as I drifted in and out of consciousness: Effrons brother dies, he plays catch with him. he loses his zeal for life. he meets girl. girls gets into sailing accident, lost at sea. zack has a vision that she is still alive. zack steals boat to find her. zack takes his shirt off (pause for visual) to keep her warm. zack saves her life. zacks brother becomes a tiny orb, which I can only assume represents his ascent into heaven. the end.

This movie gets ZERO ritas out of five. But on a different scale, I give this movie 5 shirtless zack effrons. because frankly, the movie needed more of it.

I know we haven’t done a Rita Rating in a while and I have a good reason for that. After seeing this movie, I couldn’t figure out if my life was real or if I was a crazy person on an island. So for the last few weeks I have been asking people…”Am I a crazy person living on an island?” Instead of getting a straight answer from anyone…I just had people looking at me like I had 16 heads (not very reassuring).

Anyways, the point is this movie is pretty great. So great in fact that it made me question my own sanity. Leonardo Dicaprio does a stellar job portraying Teddy Daniels who is investigating the disappearance of a patient from Boston‘s Shutter Island Ashecliffe Hospital. There’s about 42 twists and turns in this movie and I’m not going to reveal any of them. You need to watch this movie. Get up. Get your pants on and drive to the movie store. Pick up Shutter Island and some Junior Mints. Drive over here, drop off the junior mints and then go home and watch the movie.

I give Shutter Island 4 Rita’s in a high fashion leather straight jacket and 1 Ann Murray album cover (this counts as a half..because Anne doesn’t have the same street cred as Rita) Total 4.5 out of 5.

Laura what did you think?

Well Robin, you completely missed the mark with this one. As usual. The movie isn’t just “pretty great”. Its amazing. So amazing that I’m not even upset that Leo dies at the end. *spoiler alert*. just like in Inception *spoiler alert*.  Nevertheless, this movie blew my mind. And for all of you who saw it and said that you knew the ending the whole time because you are super smart – you’re full of poo or you just didn’t get it. If you haven’t seen it yet, do what Robin says and get your pants or your fundies on, and rent this movie immediately. don’t you wanna know how leo dies?

I give this movie FIVE “leonardo dicaprio making out with rita” ritas out of FIVE

Toy Story 3 was everything I wanted and more for the 3rd chapter of the toy story trilogy. It was fun for the whole family (except I went with a friend because I come from a broken home).  Pixar really tugged at my heart strings with this one. The idea of growing up and moving on is the prominent theme of this movie. That, combined with the introduction of new hilarious characters, and keeping the jokes free of tiresome pop culture references, had me laughing and crying at the same time! which made me look super awkward. Nevertheless I give this movie FIVE woody ritas out of FIVE. what did you think Robin?

Well Laura, since I saw this movie after you saw it and raved about it, I was slightly disappointed.  Disappointed is a harsh word, I’d say I was not overwhelmed with satisfaction.  I have enjoyed all 3 of the toy story movies so I would like to give kudos to Pixar for continuously delivering on the entertainment factor. I agree that there was a great combination of both humour and heart wrenching wholesome family goodness.  I would definitely recommend this movie to pretty much anyone, but I do not believe it was a flawless movie…Laura, 5 rita’s means it was rita perfection which is just a ridiculous statement

Maybe if I saw this in 3D I would give rita an extra hat, but for now I give Toy Story 3, 3 and 3/4 Mr. Potato head ritas out of 5.

Well if you don’t know this about Laura and I….I’m totally Charlotte and Samantha and she’s totally Carrie and Miranda. Like hybrid versions of the characters. So let me just say this, I was looking forward to seeing Sex & the City 2. I was utterly and drastically and technically and literally disappointing. The movie had absolutely no plot or point at all. Half of the movie felt like a tourism commercial for Abu Dhabi. The other half was just fashion filler..and I mean not good fashion…way too much jumpsuit action in this flick.

I give this movie 1 ridiculously fashionable rita hat out of 50..yes 50. What about you Laura? Or should I say Carrie and Miranda…no wait those characters are now dead to me.

Thanks Robin, your review was highly insightful, and for once, I COMPLETELY agree with you. what the EFF was that all about?!! I think I would have had more fun going to the gynecologist. this was just bad. which I hate to say, because I am a die hard fan, and I will defend SATC to the grave. But ladies, you were awful. I actually think the movie made me a little stupider. is stupider even a word?!! Well I could have answered that question before I saw the film. I would like to give this film ZERO ritas, but for the sake of showing rita in ridiculous outfits, I give it ONE Abu Dhabi Rita out of FIVE.

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