The most accurate Horoscopes you will ever read!

You probably didn’t know this about us, but Robin and I are kind of psychic. So we’ve decided to write horoscopes for you, free of charge! you’re welcome.

Aries: don’t go outside today without a can of Kimlan brand waterchestnuts. trust us, they will come in handy

Libra: When life gives you lemons, buy a fancy bowl and make a pretty centerpiece for your table. do that today.

Taurus: Oh’s best we don’t share this one with you. just…stay away from men with silly hats today

Scorpio: Someone will try to reach out to you today. Probably with one of those wooden back-scratching arms. it’ll be weird at first, but then enjoyable. embrace this feeling.

Gemini: Stop being a douche.

Cancer: Don’t make any phone calls today. In fact, its best you don’t use your phone at all.

Leo: Rita Macneil once said “sugar, when life gets you down, eat 3 big macs”. Don’t listen to her.

Virgo: If wearing brown pants and a green shirt today beware you may get mistaken for a tree.

Libra: A secret closet near your favourite coffee shop may lead to an unknown land known as Narnia.

Sagitarius: The moon has entered your t-zone which means it is time to submit an entry to be on your favourite reality show. You will get chosen or get completely rejected.

Digging a hole today could lead to lots of moist dirt. Kevin Costner is nearby, he is looking for you. If you wear a really great hat it will be easier for him to find you.

You will win the lottery today if you pick the correct numbers and you consume the proper amount of vitamin c

Pisces: If you are wearing pants HALT. Your pants WILLl catch on fire today so you should probably get rid of the hazardous material. This guy is totally a pisces

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s