Posts Tagged ‘Shopping’
Welcome to our 3rd Annual most Creative and Inspirational Halloween Costume EVER post!
You are welcome in advance.
Aries: Wear a skinny tie today. A thick tie will make you seem to mischievous and untrustworthy (like a Leo).
Libra: Stop wearing purple lipstick. it makes you look like a hooker. for real.
Taurus: Tell your co-worker that they have something on their face. Laugh at them. When they go to the washroom to fix themselves up.. go on their facebook and change their status to “I like to bathe in Philadelphia cream cheese”
Scorpio: WHAT?! no way! sorry my pyschic senses just told me something crazy thats going to happen to you. I cant tell you though. okay I can. It rhymes with merpes. you better get that checked.
Gemini: Take a bath today. Try cream cheese instead of water. You may get stuck so keep a cell phone handy to call for paramedics.
Cancer: Stop wearing sunglasses at night. they make you look like a douchebag, like people with those tweety bird-steering wheel covers, or neighbours with above-ground pools that take up their entire backyard. idiots.
Leo: Do not speak to anyone today that is wearing a large hat. They are smuggling illegal potato bugs from Africa.
Virgo: Take a cooking class tonight. Bring your own pots and pans, hair net, spoons, pet lobster and the first season of Hells Kitchen or Full House on DVD.
Sagittarius: Go on a 30 hour famine for 2 hours. what? thats ridiculous, you say. well you know whats ridiculous? your ears.
Capricorn: Do not give up on your dreams. Marilyn Denis wants to talk to you. I have no idea why. Perhaps you hit her car or you are pregnant with her sons baby. I don’t know all the facts, but I know she wants to talk to you.
Aquarius: people are talking about you behind your back. no really, look behind you, they are having a really great conversation.
Pisces: Comment on a blog post today. Try this one. Use the alias Melba Lee Toast.
Ophiuchus: you’re really bad at accents. stop doing them.
You’ve stopped taking birth control. You have discussed wanting to have a baby with your significant other. You and your partner are both aware and ready for the sleepless nights ahead. You are ready for a baby. It’s time to get pregnant, right?
Wrong. Dead wrong.
Most women don’t think about what having a baby will do to their lives. They don’t realize the detrimental effect it will have on their fashion sense. Not everyone knows that a baby does not typically match their favourite outfit. Most moms that carry around their babies in those baby knapsack things look like total and utter douches and they will likely end up on What Not to Wear! I know what your thinking, time to tie the tubes and settle for buying a cat. Wrong! Cats aren’t fashionable either (haven’t you ever watched Hoarders?) Also, the amazing japanese inventors have done it once again, they have solved all your baby fashion nightmares. These lovely baby sweaters come in a variety of colours and fabrics. How styling (and not at all creepy) !!
Laura and I both know what it’s like to be stuck in a stuffy office all day. You know that song, “Everybody’s working for the weekend” that song was basically wrote about us. Anyways, sometimes we are so busy that we don’t have time to step outside and get some fresh air. It’s can be really difficult because some people we work with have the bad case of bratwurst feet and it gets really stankin stanky in here. Laura and I jumped for joy when we found out about this miraculous japanese invention. The fashionable fresh air mask. How convenient. Just put this bad boy on your desk, attach it to your face and as Faith Hill would say, “Just Breathe”. It’s as simple as that. You could literally live in a basement full of cats or rats like this guy and you’d would be totally fresh and fine.
Ever gotten ready for bed, and climbed in only to realize that you have forgotten your pillow?
Ever at work and lay your head down on your desk for a few minutes, only to wake up to a pounding headache…because you didnt have…a pillow?
Ever go to a club and meet a really great guy, but couldn’t go home with him cause you didn’t bring your pillow?! and you watched as he took home the girl at the end of the bar who happened to have one. sucks to be you.
Well that girl was smart, cause she had Pillo.m.g. A full functioning, 100% cotton, stain resistant pillow that attaches to your head so you will never face those embarassing moments when you say “damn, I shoulda brought my pillow”. Like when you go for your morning run, and halfway through you just need to nap, but you’re too far from home, so you lay down on the bench and rest your head on an elderly mans lap and you contract lice. shoulda brought your pillow!
So wear this baby everywhere and your life will improve by 0.05%! look at this girl! she is SUPER happy! She’s about to hit up da club and party hard! you go girl!
Justin Bieber is a talented little japanese man. He can sing, he can dance, he can rock a side-swipe-douche-do like no other. Justin wanted to try something new and fresh. Something that had never been done before. His mom suggested a wig line, his dad suggested a shirt that makes you look like you have absolutely no body definition. He shunned them both and decided to take on the most logical venture: a nail polish line.
Now, most of you might say that there have been many nail polish lines in the past. To this I say, true, but have these said nail polish lines had the tears of a baby, the sweat of one less lonely girl and the chest hair of (future) Beiber himself. Nine! (that means no in German and possibly Japanese)