Posts Tagged ‘Home’
Welcome to our 3rd Annual most Creative and Inspirational Halloween Costume EVER post!
You are welcome in advance.
Aries: Wear a skinny tie today. A thick tie will make you seem to mischievous and untrustworthy (like a Leo).
Libra: Stop wearing purple lipstick. it makes you look like a hooker. for real.
Taurus: Tell your co-worker that they have something on their face. Laugh at them. When they go to the washroom to fix themselves up.. go on their facebook and change their status to “I like to bathe in Philadelphia cream cheese”
Scorpio: WHAT?! no way! sorry my pyschic senses just told me something crazy thats going to happen to you. I cant tell you though. okay I can. It rhymes with merpes. you better get that checked.
Gemini: Take a bath today. Try cream cheese instead of water. You may get stuck so keep a cell phone handy to call for paramedics.
Cancer: Stop wearing sunglasses at night. they make you look like a douchebag, like people with those tweety bird-steering wheel covers, or neighbours with above-ground pools that take up their entire backyard. idiots.
Leo: Do not speak to anyone today that is wearing a large hat. They are smuggling illegal potato bugs from Africa.
Virgo: Take a cooking class tonight. Bring your own pots and pans, hair net, spoons, pet lobster and the first season of Hells Kitchen or Full House on DVD.
Sagittarius: Go on a 30 hour famine for 2 hours. what? thats ridiculous, you say. well you know whats ridiculous? your ears.
Capricorn: Do not give up on your dreams. Marilyn Denis wants to talk to you. I have no idea why. Perhaps you hit her car or you are pregnant with her sons baby. I don’t know all the facts, but I know she wants to talk to you.
Aquarius: people are talking about you behind your back. no really, look behind you, they are having a really great conversation.
Pisces: Comment on a blog post today. Try this one. Use the alias Melba Lee Toast.
Ophiuchus: you’re really bad at accents. stop doing them.
You’ve stopped taking birth control. You have discussed wanting to have a baby with your significant other. You and your partner are both aware and ready for the sleepless nights ahead. You are ready for a baby. It’s time to get pregnant, right?
Wrong. Dead wrong.
Most women don’t think about what having a baby will do to their lives. They don’t realize the detrimental effect it will have on their fashion sense. Not everyone knows that a baby does not typically match their favourite outfit. Most moms that carry around their babies in those baby knapsack things look like total and utter douches and they will likely end up on What Not to Wear! I know what your thinking, time to tie the tubes and settle for buying a cat. Wrong! Cats aren’t fashionable either (haven’t you ever watched Hoarders?) Also, the amazing japanese inventors have done it once again, they have solved all your baby fashion nightmares. These lovely baby sweaters come in a variety of colours and fabrics. How styling (and not at all creepy) !!
New section alert. Paul is a young, strapping man who works at our office. He knows how to do everything. He is the person I go to whenever I have a problem; whether it be about my computer, car, boyfriend, great uncle, the rain, pandas, slow cooker recipes or taxes.. Paul always has the solution.
Paul has also introduced me to many random foods like 99% cocoa chocolate bar (mildly disgusting) and banana chips (I would recommend these). He also sends us random videos and articles sometimes that are totally blog worthy. Hence us starting up a ‘Paul Says’ section.
Here is a video that Paul would like you to watch. I think it’s pretty great.
Aries: did you know that thursdays are international “give a hooker a sandwich” day? So give that special hooker down your street a PB & J or a ham and swiss on whole wheat and she may give you something in return! A free movie coupon, obviously.
Libra: your chi-light is pretty low these days. cleaning out your fridge with mr. clean should fix this problem right up.
Scorpio: summer is almost over and you STILL haven’t set up a lemonade stand?!! get on that girl.
Gemini: saying yes to a thumb war today is the right decision
Cancer: frodo once said, “I wish the ring had never come to me”. well, some unwanted things may come into your life that you must rise above. and if you’re a little person like frodo, you may need a step stool to do this.
Leo: You will feel like you are being followed today. It’s just your shadow…and your neighbour Jim. Didn’t know you had a neighbour Jim? Turn around and introduce yourself!
Virgo: Mate your kitten with a tiger today. You will get a hybrid kitten called a titten.
Sagittarius: Are you sad today? Watch this video and you will be happy.
Capricorn: Half of your body wants corn today. The other half will reject the corn if you eat it. Make your decision wisely.
Aquarius: You will have a spectacular day if you are wearing a yellow shirt or if you have recently moved offices. You will also get an unexpected phone call today.
Pisces: Feel like being anti-social tonight? Have the perfect night in! Rent Harry and the Hendersons and watch it in the nude!
1- Anna Paquin turns 28
2- Why did the chicken cross the road? Because today is National tell and Old Joke day!
3- J-lo turns 40 today.
4- Today is Pioneer day
5-Kristin Chenoweth turns 42 today