Aries: Tight pants are not a good idea today. You will drop a chicken wing and have to bend over and pick it up. You will split my pants. Come to think about it, don’t order chicken wings.
Libra: Howie Mandel is on the loose. He is trying to spread the word of hand sanitation. Do not listen, keep your hands dirty today. You need the antibodies.
Taurus: It is a great day for you. You will get a present today in some form or another. Perhaps the gift of kindness. Perhaps the gift of winning the lottery…i just don’t know
Scorpio: This video will greatly help your social life.
Gemini: Don’t lose site of fresh chicken. If you are thinking about eating chicken that is not fresh. Think again.
Cancer: Snoopy the dog is not only wise, today he holds the secret to solving your inner deepest problems.
Leo: Do not get on a large boat today. Especially if you are traveling towards or any where near an iceberg. Watch this to find out why. You are NOT king of the world.
Virgo: Kenny Rogers once made the greatest chicken/potato salad combo of all time. and then his restaurant chain was discontinued. The man who pulled the plug was a virgo. shame on you.
Libra: Take an extra hour for lunch today. don’t worry, your boss wont mind. (Designchicks are not liable for any potential loss of job) But seriously, we’re psychic, its all gravy.
Sagitarius: Today you will beat an opponent in Pictionary. your winning drawing will be “colonoscopy”. try to keep it PG.
Capricorn: Go for a drink with a good friend tonight. let loose. but not too loose…
Aquarius: it will actually rain men today. you’re welcome.
Pisces: in a battle of rock paper scissors against oprah winfrey, the winning sequence will be scissors, rock and paper. For your win, she will reward you with her favourite things.