Archive for the ‘humor’ Category
I know what you are thinking. Why the heck haven’t you done this before? I don’t have an answer for that, so just relax. We are doing it now and if you’re lucky we will do it again next year. There is so much Oscar buzz out there right now I can hardly contain myself. Just kidding, most of it is stupid and boring. So we’ve decided to create this super unboring and unstupid Oscar Preview. FINALLY RIGHT?! You are welcome!
Best sound editing: Obviously goes to whoever made this video (he MUST be nominated, we would be shocked if he wasn’t)
Best Actor in a Leading Role: Rob Ford – His leading role as Mayor of Toronto has definitely been a performance to talk about! But what has really impressed the Academy is the physical transformation he went through to look the part. Here’s a before and after picture of him.
Documentary Feature: This documentary about a goat eating dinner wins for so many reasons; mainly because it really, really makes you think.
Biggest Oscar Snub: Smurfs 2. We know why this didn’t get nominated. Bottom line: the Academy is filled with a bunch of racists.
Most shocking nomination: Dallas Buyers Club. Why? We know it’s a great movie. It’s just the Academy is usually very snobby when it comes to nominating sequels. I mean, hello, Smurfs 2 wasn’t nominated. So we were just surprised that the sequel to Ghosts of Girlfriends Past was.
Most likely to have a nip-slip: Ellen DeGeneres
Most likely to get really thin before Oscars and then gain the weight back before the end of the night: Jonah Hill
Most like to storm the stage and pull a Kanyé West: Tom Hanks – seriously, that guy is a ticking time bomb.
Most likely to buy Quaaludes from Leonardo Dicaprio on the red carpet: June Squibb
Two years ago we wrote an amazing Gift Guide. We got such rave reviews that we decided not to bring it back last year just to keep everyone on their toes. Check out our old gift guide here, but if you want to be super hip and in-the-now, read on to our new and fresh Best Gift Guide EVER!
We believe that any one of your family members or friends will fit into one of the categories below. Trust us, we literally know everything.
Buying for someone who wants to move things with his/her
Clearly this is a gift for everybody, because for realzies, who wouldn’t want to move things with their mind? This is a game that you play with simply the power of your mind. Not sure if you will be able to play it though, since we have already BLOWN your mind. Boom. Head explosion. To purchase, click here.
Buying for someone who recently lost everything they own in a terrible house fire? Isn’t it just awful when someone loses all of their possessions in a house fire? It’s sad and it’s happening more and more due to how great scented candles smell nowadays, nobody wants to ever blow them out! I blame Martha. Anyways, the only gift that could possibly replace all of the memorabilia that has been burnt to a crisp, is this book of awkward family photos. They will be laughing so hard they won’t even realize it’s not their own family. Check it out here!
Buying for someone who just detests spoons?
Do you know someone who suffers from Spoons phobia? Yes, it is a real thing and it is affecting more and more everyday. You can make a spoon phobic persons dreams come true with this self stirring coffee mug! Hoopla! No more will they have to go without their coffee being stirred! No more pesky sugar buildup at the bottom of their cup. You will be their hero, we guarantee it. Check it out here!
Buying for someone who always looks like they may have just touched their genitals?
Most of our friends fall into this category so we will be buying this product in bulk this year. From the maker of “ those germs – ” comes the newest “Maybe you just touched your genitals – Hand Sanitizer”. Check it out here!
Buying for a teacher who has really, really dumb students? We are all well-aware of how ridiculously stupid children these days can be. We aren’t being mean, we just know facts. Not all kids (here.‘s are smart and Laura’s future children will be too) but let’s face it most are really, really dumb, fo’ real. So we feel for the teachers out there who have to mark their school work. They spend countless hours trying to explain to their students why their work is stupid and makes no sense. Well we want to make their lives easier. One stamp that says it all: “WTF”. Check it out
Buying for a
We all know people like this! Heck even if they aren’t a germaphobe, most people will appreciate this Public toilet survival kit.
Buying for a klutzy person who enjoys insulting people like?
Three words: Shakespearean Insult Bandages. We know what your thinking, “I hope they have enough of these in stock, my entire social circle falls into this category!” We know right?! Clearly these bandages were created because there was a high demand for them. We’ve contacted the supplier to ensure they have plenty. Act quickly though! Order now, you never know how long these will last! Check them out here.
Buying for someone who hates wearing
Most people don’t know this but people who don’t like to wear footwear actually have a disorder called melikeythefeelingofgrassundermyfeet. The symptoms include liking the feeling of grass under their feet. We know that most offices and public places make their employees wear some kind of footwear. That’s why this will be the perfect gift for your weird friend/mother who hates wearing shoes. Check these bad boys out!
Buying for someone who likes to tell the time, is a fashion diva and also loves Mr. Bean?
Thought this was going to be a tricky person to buy for, right? Well don’t worry, we’ve found the perfect gift! This Mr. Bean loving fashionista will never be late again thanks to this very trendy wrist watch!
Buying for a fashion-forward teen/tween/adult or senior citizen or a farmer with a large wallet?
This lovely handbag is made from the extremely fashionable fabric: rubber. I actually just saw Taylor Swift carrying this around after the Victoria Secret Fashion show, no lie, that’s how trendy this thing is! Buy one today, before it’s gone forever (or you have to buy it used on E-Bay).
Buying for a child who you can totally tell is going to be crazy a crazy cat lady one day?
More and more children are aspiring to be crazy cat ladies these days, due to hit TV shows like hoarders. Well, we don’t like to stand in the way of any child’s dreams! Neither should you! Help that special kid live up to their crazy cat potential with this crazy cat lady practice kit. A crazy cat lady action figure, complete with a bunch of crazy cats.
Buying for someone who likes Bananas, especially sliced ones?This life changing device will change the lives of banana lovers forever. Seriously read the reviews here. Seriously read them, all 4,585 of them. They are really, really funny.
Buying for someone who idolizes us design chicks?
You may or may not know that Laura & I are proud Canadians. We look and talk like lumberjacks and we smell like maple syrup. Most people want to be just like us. We have a lot of fans all over the world. We get emails on a daily basis from as far as Argentina, Tokyo and Madrid. The main thing our fans ask us is, how can we be more like you guys? Well, here’s a start! Look and feel like a Canadian with this “look and feel like a Canadian spray“. Mmm mmm.
Welcome to our 3rd Annual most Creative and Inspirational Halloween Costume EVER post!
You are welcome in advance.
Last years Halloween Costume blog was such a hit, we’ve decided to give you some more earth shattering, mind blowing ideas. Choose any of these costumes and you will be the life of any party.
Posted October 3, 2012on:
Are you surprised that your family doesn’t want you at their festive feast this year? What did you do wrong? Did you double dip in Aunt Beths famous “Gummy bear and cream cheese delight”? Did you pick up Grandpa Joe from the airport only to find when you arrived to dinner that he is in fact not Grandpa Joe? Did you drink too much wine and pass out on the neighbours lawn with a turkey leg up your butt? Dear god, I wouldn’t want you back either! Don’t fret, cause that’s the beauty of family, they can avoid you, but they can never really get rid of you!
Step 1: Find the Location
You don’t know where dinner is being held this year because you didn’t receive an invite. No problem. Call around, claim ignorance, and make them feel bad. One of them is bound to crack! eg: “Oh hey Aunt Beth, I forgot who was hosting this year,” “Hey Uncle Steve, I lost my invite,” “Hows Grandpa Joe doing? Can’t wait to see him this year!”
Step 2: Infiltrate and Attack
haha! you’ve got the location, now you need to arrive without anyone really noticing. That way you’ll just “be there” and everyone will assume that you belong. Kind of like when you’re approached by a dinosaur, immediately put your hands to your chest and squawk, assimilate, beeee there. Back windows are a good place to start, but I find the very best strategy is finding the kids, your second cousins, your nieces and nephews, your little munchkins who will lead you down the yellow brick road to glory. They are bound to be playing in the backyard, just go round back and toss them a frisbee, BOOM you’re in. If you get all of them to tackle you while laughing, bonus points. Your family will eventually gaze out the window “hey, look who it is” “how long has he been here?” “who cares, at least he’s keeping the kids happy”
Step 3: Act like you did nothing wrong
Yes you are in, but there are still going to be a few angry relatives who demand an explanation for your behaviour last year. These ones will bring you down. I like to call them Land Mines. Three words: AVOID AVOID AVOID. Sit at the opposite end from anyone you suspect to be a LM. If you see them approaching you from across the room, redirect your gaze and claim you have to go to the bathroom. Some will be more persistent than others, these ones aren’t afraid to make a scene. Put the music on really loud so even if they are yelling, no one will hear them – alternatively you can “accidentally” lock them in the pantry. what?! There’s food in there…
Step 4: Tell an amazing story at Dinnertime – be the life of the party
This is it, it’s your time to shine. You’ve got everyone where you want them (including the unlucky relative in the pantry). Some people have trouble with this one, but we are going to tell you a little secret. Your worst moments make your best stories. We should know. Laura once got into a verbal altercation with a hooker in a Tim Hortons bathroom and I once accidentally put “urban” hair product into my hair and looked like I took a bath in vaseline. Heck, these weren’t our finest moments but they do make great dinner party stories. One thing I know for sure is, we always, ALWAYS get invited back. So what we suggest is telling the story of something stupid you did, perhaps even your previous thanksgiving when you woke up with a turkey leg in your arse on the neighbours front lawn. Too soon? Nah! The secret to telling stories that you believe some people will be offended by is simple… Just laugh really, really, really hard. Uncontrollable laughter will ease any uncomfortable situation. When you laugh uncontrollably other people will follow suit and whoever is left not laughing will look like the über douche. Hopefully this guy won’t be invited back next year, that is unless he reads this blog.
Step 5: Redeem yourself
Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone wakes up with turkey skin flapping out of their butt every once in a while. Even Obama. Everyone always has a chance to redeem themselves though. After everyone is all limbered up from their laugh attack they will be more open to your bullshit. Feed them lies. Elaborate lies. Lies about helping underprivileged sweat shop children in New Guinea get degrees in restaurant management. People eat that shit up. Trust me. Have we ever lied you guys? No, not ever. We are experts in every field. Now, that they think you are a hero and no longer a zero…you are set for next year…. That is until they find Aunt Zelda in the pantry. Act confused if she tattles on you. Scratch your head, look dizzy….look concust. Concust people do crazy shit all the time. Now…start laughing…. Uncontrollably. You are as good as golden.