Ta Da! Horoscopes for Thursday

Aries: calculators are making a huge come back today, at least for you. You will get excited by the ridiculously big ones with the giant numbers.

Libra: Don’t walk anywhere backwards today. I know it’s been the trend for the last few months but today stay clear of any backward activities…you WILL fall in a pothole.

Taurus: You might be thinking about purchasing a unicycle this video will help you make the right decision.

Scorpio: An ant you step on today is the reincarnation of Elvis.

Gemini: Its earth day today. And no one does earth day better than you virgo. oh this is Gemini…well this is awkward.

Cancer: You will be forgotten about today. but don’t worry we still love you

Leo: Big Instruments will put you in a good mood today.

Virgo: When you go to your highschool reunion, go prepared with a dance routine. It will knock their socks off.

Sagittarius: Wear pleather to your interview today. It will make you stand out. probably in a bad way, but thats the price of being popular.

Capricorn: An Asian gang will challenge you in Dance Dance Revolution today. Accept their challenge. You will lose. But you get to keep your life.

Aquarius: Danny Tanner once said “Don’t be silly. I’m just cleaning my rubber gloves.” Do that today.

Pisces: Stop searching. The answer to #60 across in todays toronto star crossword is “erase”. you’re welcome.