Here are Thursdays horoscopes!

Aries: challenge a younger person to a game of chess today. They will use the Horse as a surprise attack to check mate you. Counter this by shaking the board and claiming there was another earthquake.

Libra: wear fancy slippers to work today. you deserve it

Taurus: go to a pottery class tonight and make some bowls. Take those bowls home and fill them with love and promises.

Scorpio: someone cannot reach you. your phone is most likely off. turn it back on.

Gemini: theres an old irish saying “May the cat eat you and the devil eat the cat”. which essentially means you should feed your cat more. or something like that…

Cancer: I sense that you have hostility towards rainbows. you should appreciate them a little bit more. like this guy.

Leo: Call a friend who you haven’t spoken to in a while.  Blame the lack of communication on said person.  Hang up the phone.

Virgo: If you see any sort of musician today make sure to give him/her 5 bucks.  Tell them its for their midnight train to Georgia.

Sagittarius:  Try out speed dating today.  On your third date, take of your pants.  This should spark something special.

Capricorn: Don’t trust any other Capricorns today, they are all thinking the same thing…”I want to be the leader of the Capricorn people and I will stop at nothing to get this power.

Aquarius:   You look good today,  real good. You will subscribe to a really awesome blog today.

Pisces:  Beware of broken glass.  Today you will avoid some glass on the ground..if you look closely at the glass it will be the exact shape of queen elizabeths head.  You will sel this on ebay for $42,051.23